First day of school

We made it through our first day back at school routine. And I am proud to say we were right on time. The first day of school is always full of apprehension, anxiety and some excitement. My daughter was looking forward to seeing her friends. My son okay about going back to school.

Waking up again at 5am to make sure I get to do all the things I need to do to start my day before everyone gets up. Forgetting that and still going to bed too late. Feeling it in the morning when I only get 5 hours or less of sleep. My children still trying to find their rhythm with going to bed at an appropriate time.

My son entering his first year of high school. Looking at him and seeing how much he has grown. Thinking back to the day when I first took him to preschool at the age of 3 and wondering where 11 years has gone since that day I held his little hand and let him go. To start his school life. Worried that he would think I was deserting him. Yesterday watching him just get out of the car without a kiss but still telling me he loves me. Seeing how tall he is. How deep his voice is. How much more of a man he has become over the summer. Realising how our eye does not see our children growing in front of us because we still think of them as the babies they were when they first came to us.

Dropping my daughter off next. Almost driving past her new drop off point. Forgetting she is entering her last year of primary school. Realising she is now the big girl in her part of the school. Thinking about how she has grown too over the summer. Waiting for her to gather all of her bags for all of the activities she has to do. Watching her looking so grown up in her uniform. Grateful for the kiss she blows me and her wave goodbye. Our eyes meeting and locking in that instant. A special mother-daughter exchange happening without words. An understanding shared before she turned and walked away.

As I was driving away, I thought about how quickly our children change. How quickly they grow away from us even though they will always be connected to us in spirit and in kind but each day they are becoming more and more independent. Realising how true the statement by Khalil Gibran is that we are vessels through which our children come. We only have them for a borrowed amount of time because their lives are their own to live. We are only here to guide them not direct them. To give them the wings to fly and become who they are meant to become.

Driving away knowing I must enjoy every moment I can with them while I have them. Support them in their dreams as much as I feasibly can. Encourage them to be themselves so they want to be in my space for as long as possible. Rather than trying to get away from me because I am trying to force them to be what they cannot be.

Getting to work thinking how wonderful it is to be a mother. To be a part of another life on this planet. To be important in laying the foundation and groundwork for my children so they can go out in the world as giving and compassionate global citizens. I hope and pray I am able to give my children the gift of self and love so they will have the tools to be givers in this world rather than takers.

And for the blessing and gift of motherhood, I am truly grateful and for the first day of school going almost like clockwork I am truly grateful. Back to routines again. Back to school. Onwards and upwards. The joys of motherhood. Endings and beginnings. End of summer vacation. Beginning of the school year. My daughter entering her last year of primary. My son beginning his first year of high school. Both beginning the new school year. My heart filling with pride, joy and love. Namaste.