Ramblings of my restless mind

I am feeling restless at the moment. Routines are off. Can’t seem to find my natural rhythm. Writing is eluding me. Creativity is evading me. All I want to do is rest. Do nothing. But when I do nothing, I feel guilty for doing nothing so my restlessness intensifies.

Seems like there are not enough hours in the day to do anything. But then sometimes the hours feel like they are stretching by endlessly. I seem to be in this in-between state. Between here and there but getting nowhere.

I am sitting out on my porch right now listening to the birds singing. Watching the temperamental weather changing every five minutes. Full sun one minute then dark overcast skies the next. My children are still fast asleep and because this is their last week of school holiday I am letting them rest because next week will be full steam ahead for all of us. Schedules overlapping. Needing to be in two places at once.

A cool breeze keeps wafting through the porch. Actually it’s more like a gust from time to time causing the windchime to resonate deeply after the gust passes. Stilling my nerves for a time with its harmonious chime. Even my writing feels all over the place today. Just as scattered as my brain. As my thoughts.

I can’t seem to motivate myself to do anything worthwhile because it’s almost like I don’t know where to start or what to do. Is it the air?  Still does not feel right for this time of the year. Still does not seem like we are in the right season. With the coolness of the air already. Granted it is September but September is usually our most humid month and yet the humidity does not feel as stifling as it normally does at this time of the year.

I am watching our little rabbit Mysty hopping around the porch. Trying to find her rhythm too. Like she does not know what to do. She can’t believe her luck that she is out at this time of the day during the week. She comes to be to be stroked and looks up at me with such appreciation and wonder. My heart melts.

Is this what life is trying to tell me right now that sometimes I just need to accept I won’t know what I am supposed to be doing and that I just need to go with the flow. Not trying to always have the answers because sometimes there are no answers. Sometimes there is no direction except to just be grateful for the sun, the moon and the stars. For waking up in the morning. For still worrying about what happens next because it means I am still alive.

So I am going to stop lamenting about what to do and just do something. Get started on something and be grateful for where I am as I am. The miracle I was sent here to be. Namaste.