Ramblings of my restless mind

I am feeling restless at the moment. Routines are off. Can’t seem to find my natural rhythm. Writing is eluding me. Creativity is evading me. All I want to do is rest. Do nothing. But when I do nothing, I feel guilty for doing nothing so my restlessness intensifies.

Seems like there are not enough hours in the day to do anything. But then sometimes the hours feel like they are stretching by endlessly. I seem to be in this in-between state. Between here and there but getting nowhere.

I am sitting out on my porch right now listening to the birds singing. Watching the temperamental weather changing every five minutes. Full sun one minute then dark overcast skies the next. My children are still fast asleep and because this is their last week of school holiday I am letting them rest because next week will be full steam ahead for all of us. Schedules overlapping. Needing to be in two places at once.

A cool breeze keeps wafting through the porch. Actually it’s more like a gust from time to time causing the windchime to resonate deeply after the gust passes. Stilling my nerves for a time with its harmonious chime. Even my writing feels all over the place today. Just as scattered as my brain. As my thoughts.

I can’t seem to motivate myself to do anything worthwhile because it’s almost like I don’t know where to start or what to do. Is it the air?  Still does not feel right for this time of the year. Still does not seem like we are in the right season. With the coolness of the air already. Granted it is September but September is usually our most humid month and yet the humidity does not feel as stifling as it normally does at this time of the year.

I am watching our little rabbit Mysty hopping around the porch. Trying to find her rhythm too. Like she does not know what to do. She can’t believe her luck that she is out at this time of the day during the week. She comes to be to be stroked and looks up at me with such appreciation and wonder. My heart melts.

Is this what life is trying to tell me right now that sometimes I just need to accept I won’t know what I am supposed to be doing and that I just need to go with the flow. Not trying to always have the answers because sometimes there are no answers. Sometimes there is no direction except to just be grateful for the sun, the moon and the stars. For waking up in the morning. For still worrying about what happens next because it means I am still alive.

So I am going to stop lamenting about what to do and just do something. Get started on something and be grateful for where I am as I am. The miracle I was sent here to be. Namaste.

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When we are our authentic selves

When we are attuned to our authentic selves, life gives us unexpected gifts. Unexpected road maps for where we are to go next.

Like this morning when I woke up, the first day of my time away from the office for a week and I sat down to meditate. To still my racing mind I remembered there was a bonus meditation from Deepak Chopra and Oprah so I decided to do take advantage of the bonus meditation entitled Miraculous Dynamism. And once I listened I knew I was being given a gift from the Universe to remember I am a force in my own right. That I get to choose the very essence that I send rippling out into the world. That I have a dynamism that is a wondrous power. As do you. As do us all.

As I was in the midst of my meditation, I could feel rays of light dazzling before my closed eyes. Almost like the world was on fire. Almost like diamonds sparkling in the light. And I felt my soul matching the light. My spirit dancing with the light. My whole being radiating with the light. And then I realised the dazzling light was reflecting my dazzling light. 

I felt the reason the sun was shining through my windows at my eye level was to capture me and pull me in. To remind me that my light comes through when I am ready to let it shine and no one can take that light away from me unless I allow them. Unless I don’t want to shine. Unless I am not being my authentic self. And no matter how hard someone tries to steal my light or the light of my family, I have to accept I am the owner of my light so only I can turn it up or turn it down or turn it off all together.

In order for my children to learn they control their own light I must be willing to shine my light as much as possible. I must be willing to use my energy in a positive way such that my light shines naturally through and they learn from my energy how important it is to have authentic and pure energy. Chopra said, “The message is not to put on a mask of cheerfulness or try to be positive all the time. People who are attuned to their own true self, will always sense when we are being authentic or putting on a persona or disguise. What is important is the awareness that through our energy or consciousness, we have an unlimited capacity to send out ripples that will help our planet and its inhabitants move in the most evolutionary direction from fear, hostility and unrest to love, compassion, peace and joy.”

To use the mantra today, “I use my energy to heal and transform” will help me to bring forth my light and to bring forth the best in those around me, those in my inner circle. To those who choose to be amongst people with a shining and embracing light rather than those who want to take the light for themselves. The light and energy of the Universe is abundant enough for us all. In other words, there is no need to feel like we are any less than anyone else. All we need to be is our authentic self not what we can not be.

Each one of us is here for a reason. Each one of us has a gift to share. When we remember this, we project our inner most selves and then we receive the gifts, treasures and abundance of the Universe like a magnet. As I did this morning in my meditation with the dazzling light of the Universe radiating throughout my being. As I understood this morning when I received the gift of the Universe. The voice of the One Source. And I felt aligned and supported by the rhythm of the Universe. And for this blessing I am truly grateful. Namaste 

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Our daughter showing us how important it is to let our children be who they are

Wow is all I can say. We are all just waking up this morning after a full and special day for our daughter and our family.

Our daughter walked away last evening with the Little Miss Paradise, Miss Congeniality, and Miss Photogenic titles in the Little Miss Paradise Pageant and she blew us away. And I am so glad we allowed her to pursue her dream. We were the sort of parents who thought pageants were frivolous for girls and did not want our daughter to be a part of that whole scene. But seeing her last evening come alive on stage with such poise, dignity and confidence we knew we had done the right thing by allowing her to be who she wants to be.

Our daughter researched the pageant, found it then came to us and asked us if she could enter. As parents, we were both hesitant about it as we are of the philosophy that children should develop their whole selves rather than just focusing on their physical selves and what they look like. But she told us the Pageant was not just a beauty contest that it was about building confidence and showing talents. It was about being on stage. Then we talked to her about how she would feel if she did not win the pageant and her answer was if she did not win, it would be just wonderful that she was on stage doing the best she could. And she would learn from that experience to take her to the next experience.

She chose every outfit she was going to wear. Her music for her talent. Her formal dress she did not want her dad to see until she had it on on the stage. She worked on her own to develop the answers she thought she would be asked. She didn’t want us to know how she was going to answer the questions because she wanted the whole night to be hers and not what we thought she should say. She wanted everything to be a surprise to us. And did she ever surprise us every step along the way.

From the moment she walked on the stage to the moment she walked off we were mesmerised by our daughter. By our little girl who set a goal for herself and more than exceeded it. A little girl who asked us to let her be herself not what we thought she should be. A little girl who showed us that when we follow our passions with dedication and truth, we will always come out on top. Always feel like winners. And last evening she stood amongst 6 other young ladies who all did the best they could, built lasting friendships with people she had not met before and gained so much more than just being in a pageant. She gained validation that as long as she is being true to herself and if it is her time, life will always reward her.

And what was priceless was when we were driving home and she said she felt bad for the other girls because she won everything, I knew we are raising our daughter right because even in her crowning moment, she was thinking about the feelings of the other girls.  Then when we got home, all of her friends and some of our friends had come to our house. All of them proud of her. All of them congratulating her and she being gracious to share her win with them. Our hearts swelling with pride for the young lady she is becoming and the friends she has by her side through thick and thin.

We would like to thank the Pageant organisers Mrs DeRoza, Miss Brangman, Miss Simmons, Miss Smith and Miss Galloway for all the work they put into our young ladies. A thank you to all of the other contestants. A job well done to everyone who took part in the Pageant. We are so proud of our daughter for just going for it and claiming who she is. An invaluable lesson for a young lady developing who she is. An invaluable lesson to us as parent to learn how important it is to let our children be who they are.

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The Butler a movie well worth seeing

I went to see the movie, The Butler, with my sister and niece as it was my niece’s last night here in Bermuda before she heads back home to Delaware and boy am I glad I did. Wow. I am almost speechless after seeing that movie. I didn’t expect to be so moved by it. So affected by it. To see just how far we all have come as a civilization over the span of the movie is staggering.

The movie began with a black family picking cotton on a plantation and ended with a black family going into the White House as the first family of the United States. A black slave to a black president in a little over a hundred years is meteoric.  And we as a human race should be proud of all those who risked their lives out in the open, those who did what they had to do silently in the background, and those who died in their push to bring segregation to an end.

There are many who have walked before us who have paved the way for each of us to be in the position that we are in today. Some more passively than others but sometimes that passiveness is as strong if not stronger than the aggressor. But each having their place in our history – in the way we are today. In the way we treat each other today.

What I gleaned from this movie is how each one of us has the capability to change the perspective of others not by our words but by our actions. How we can put a human face to an otherwise nameless and faceless situation. How those who look down on the black men and women who have endured much to pave the way for others. How some of the pioneering blacks had to wear two faces as depicted in the movie such that others may have a seat at the table.

To have a son understand his father and a father understand his son. With both seeking forgiveness from the other due to ignorance on behalf of each other. How both understood at the end that they were both doing the best they could based on the experiences they had ever had.

I am still in awe of where we have come from as a human race. Even though I know we still have a long way to go to break down stereotypes that are still prevalent today but I walked out of that movie feeling great hope for our human race because we are resilient creatures. Here to learn lessons from each other. To teach each other about each other so we can break down the ignorance of each other.

I highly recommend the movie, The Butler, to anyone who wants to see what forgiveness, tolerance and acceptance can do for us as human beings. Showing how true Dr. Kind’s quote, Darkness can not drive out darkness; only light can do that”, truly is. The only way we can take darkness out of our world is to shine our light as brightly as we can and to be the change we want to see. 

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Happy Anniversary to my blog!

My blog turned two years old two days ago and I was so busy commemorating Dr. Martin Luther King’s 50^th anniversary for his “I have a Dream” speech that I overlooked my own dream come true. My own baby. Forgot to even think of what August 28 means to me.

I am so chuffed that my blog began on the same day albeit some 48 years later that Dr. King delivered his speech about dreams. Chuffed because his speech was given in the same year I was born then for us to share the same date for beginning our dreams in spite of the time span makes me feel really good about what I am doing.

I started this blog because I wanted a place to write that would encourage me with my everyday trials as well as have the ability to share those trials and lessons with others to allow myself and anyone who chooses to read my blog to know we are all the same. We sometimes feel really good about where we are going in life and other times we don’t. Sometimes we feel confident about our abilities and other times we don’t. Sometimes we feel like we can climb any mountain. Other times just the thought of another mountain makes us want to give up.

When I started my blog, I was so nervous that I would be putting myself out there to be attacked. Criticised. And people would question who I think I am writing a blog. Question what was so important about what I have to say. I used to sit and wait for comments. Sit and wait for people to like what I said. Sit and wait for feedback. And at first I used to get upset when no one liked what I said. When I got no feedback because then I thought I was failing everyone else.

But what I had to tell myself over time, my blog is for my growth and if it helps anyone else along the way it is a bonus but not a necessity. Writing this blog every except Sunday is like writing in my gratitude journal every single night, both help me to grow more as an individual. As a woman. Writing my blog is more out in the open while writing my grateful journal is more private but both allow me to accept so much more about myself. Allow me to accept so much more about other people. Allow me to know when I have to let go and when I have to fight hard to hold on.

So here I am two years later and I am still writing my blog and I feel really proud that I am. It has become a daily part of my existence. My life experience has become richer because I am constantly aware of the stories of my life. I am constantly intrigued by something. Storing it in the deep recesses of my brain to write about when the time is right.

Sometimes writing my blog is tough going because I am hesitant about what I want to share. Hesitant because I know there are some who read my blog to see what is going on in my life – not necessarily with the best intentions but rather to keep tabs on me. But what I have decided is I have to just let go. Let my writing flow without thinking about what anyone else has to say as this blog is my journey of love and light. Not of malice and darkness. It is one that I hope touches as many people as it does me.

Two years of writing this blog. Wow. Sometimes it feels like just yesterday that I began this journey. Other days it feels like I have been writing it all my life. It has taught me discipline and endurance as well as having thick skin. To my loyal and open followers I thank you for encouraging me every day with your comments whether constant or occasionally. I feel your presence and your encouragement every time I sit down to write and for you, I am truly grateful.

Signing off today proud of my ability to write this blog every day except Sunday for the last two years and still going. For how long I don’t know but for now I am pleased as to where I am with my journey of love and light blog. Amazing grace. How sweet is that? 

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Living our dreams

Yesterday, August 28, 2013 marked the 50^thanniversary of Dr. Martin Luther King’s historical, “I have a dream” speech. Fifty years have gone by. Fifty years ago I was 4months old when this speech was being delivered by a man who left his mark in our hearts, his speech on the tip of our tongues, his voice ringing in our ears. Even in his death, we still hear him. See him. Feel him. Those of us who have invited him into our hearts and spirits. Letting us know even in death, our names can be spoken, our image can be carried on when we leave an indelible mark on this world.

Though Dr. King may not have known it on the surface, he seemed to know from a deeper level he only had a short amount of time to leave his mark. To leave behind his message for the rest of us to finish the work he started. To bridge the gap between those who are ignorant and those who are tolerant. Between what is right and what is wrong. Allowing all of us regardless of where we come from to accept and understand when we peel back our skin, we are all the same. We are all of the same Source. And therefore we have nothing to fear of each other unless we fear ourselves.

Hearing his rich voice full of passion, full of promise, full of truth caused me to pause yesterday. To think about what having a dream is all about. To reflect on what dreams really mean. And this is what came to me,

“My dream is my dream. Your dream is your dream.

Because I have a dream does not mean you cannot have one as well

Dreams allow us glimpses into the portal from whence we came

Asking us to go back to why we came in the first place

Reminding us to live out our promise

Our truths”

I hear my children talking about their dreams. Talking about what they want to be. How they want to get there and I try my best to help them, guide them but not direct them because they are just starting to understand the importance of acting on their dreams. If I’m constantly telling them their dreams are not good enough or not what I expected of them, they will never know who they are or whether their dreams are truly meant for them. It is not up to me to shatter their dreams. It is up to me to help them to turn their dreams into reality whether they are contrary to what my dream of them is. Their dreams are their own as are mine.

When we become parents we understand, through the eyes of our children, just how important it is to dream and to have dreams. To allow them to flourish and grow into reality because dreams are what take us to the next step of our lives. It is up to us as parents to encourage our children to live out their dreams rather than forcing them to live within their dreams never fully reaching their potential. Allowing them to explore their dreams gives them wings. Give them independence. Confidence and a sense of self.

Thank you Dr. King for reminding me the importance of living our dreams and not just dreaming them. For the important role you played in helping me to understand life is very short so if we have dreams we need to act on them. Make our dreams our reality not just our fantasy. And when we do, so shall our children. So shall we all.

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When jealousy rears its ugly head

Jealousy is one of the worst traits we carry as human beings because it limits our scope. Limits us. Cuts us off from love because it forces us to hate. To resent. To find fault rather than joy.

When jealousy rears its ugly head, we must examine what it is about ourselves that makes us feel so inadequate that we would do anything to diminish another’s accomplishments and achievements to make us believe we are more superior. But what we don’t realise is when we do whatever we can to make ourselves feel more superior, the only person we are diminishing is ourselves.

Jealousy does not improve our circumstances and neither does it do anything to shift our karma or outcome. It does not reshape where we are. As a matter of fact, it keeps us glued to exactly where we are because we are so consumed with it that we cannot see the opportunities and gifts we have all the time. Instead we become focussed on bringing down the other person that we end up bringing down ourselves. We end up on a mission of what st going on outside of us rather than focusing on what is happening inside of us.

Jealousy is an ego driven emotion that wants all the limelight to be on us rather than shared. Jealousy stops us from seeing and understanding that sometimes we will be up and sometimes we will be down. Sometimes we will lead and sometimes we will be led. Sometimes we will win and sometimes we will lose. Sometimes it is our turn to be on centre stage and other times it is the turn of others.

And when we accept we are always being tested by the Universe to see what it is we truly want out of life, we will learn that jealousy has no place in our lives. That it is there only to keep us away from our own strengths by keeping us bogged down by our own weakness. And not the weakness of others.

When we become mired in jealousy nothing about us feels good causing us to project dark energy. Repelling people from us rather than attracting them to us. When jealousy is directed against us and people do and say things to try to diminish us what we must tell ourselves is that is their lesson to learn, their karma to inherit and their trial to endure. It has nothing to do with us at all. Just with them.

As long we are living our lives with integrity, truth and from a place of genuine love and light, no amount of falseness, jealousy or mal intent can ever touch us or hurt us. When we are living our lives as authentically as we can, “sticks and stones may break our bones but names will never hurt us”. Unless we invite them in. Allow them in.

So whenever we feel that ego driven emotion of jealousy rearing its head, we are being asked to examine the image we see in the mirror to determine what it is about ourselves we need to learn, to tackle, to surmount. It is never about the other person. It is always about us. Our feelings of lack and inadequacy. And once we learn this, we will see and understand there is enough abundance in this world, enough love and light in our universe, that there is no need for any of us to try to hog the spotlight, to try to diminish the light of others in order to illuminate our own.

What we learn most of all is when we try to diminish the light of another, we are diminishing our own light because we are all of the same light – the One Source. So rather than try to diminish, we need to help to illuminate such that collectively we can all shine as brightly as we are meant to. If only we would remember this when jealousy rears its ugly head because if we did our lives would be that much easier. That much brighter. Full of love and light. Imagine just how liberating that would be. Namaste

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