I pray that I can surrender to the real me

How is it that you can want something so badly that you can taste it. Yet you are so afraid of it that you don’t dare.

The aroma is taunting you. Wafting your way. Tempting you but yet you deny yourself the experience of it. Afraid that if you taste it, it won’t be as good as you imagined it would be. But the desire to have it is so strong.

Why do we deprive ourselves of what we really want because we don’t think we deserve it? Don’t think we’re good enough for it. Don’t want to be disappointed if it is not what we expected.

When we would never know if we don’t try. Why are so many of us so afraid of failure that we don’t try. Afraid that we will disappoint ourselves and others around. That we are not as good as we think we are. Afraid of the judgement of others. Rather than just going for it.

Accepting that the only judgement we should be worried about is our own because this is our lives and no one else’s. Why do we put so many obstacles in our way? And then when someone else comes out with our idea and they succeed, we kick ourselves saying we had the idea first?

Is it really true that none of our ideas are original - that we all come up with the same ideas but only a few of us have the nerve to bring those ideas to fruition? That only a few of us have the nerve to be judged. Scrutinised. While the rest of us sit on the sidelines asking what if. And judging. Criticising rather than doing. Why do we fool ourselves into thinking it’s safer that way. But we all have know deep in our hearts taking this approach is not fulfilling.

How do we change ourselves to be able to step out into the limelight knowing that the only failure is staying on the sidelines asking what if? How do we make ourselves do and if it doesn’t succeed not reprimanding ourselves but saying did that and it wasn’t for me? When do we accept that life is full of mishaps that provide us with the lessons we need to become a better person?  That if we stay on the sidelines we may be safe but we are also not living our authentic lives. Rather we are just existing.

I pray that I am able to get out of my own way. To go for it and see where I end up rather than always coming up with an excuse as to why now is not the right time. Instead asking myself, is there ever a right time? Challenging myself.

I pray that I can surrender to the real me. Bring her out front and centre and not be ashamed of who she is and what she stands for. I pray.