Yesterday my husband asked me if I was tired of writing my blog every day. If it had become a chore. To say I was stunned by his questions is an understatement. Immediately placing me in defense mode. Thoughts whirring through my brain. Insecurities bubbling through my veins.
As thoughts like, is he sick of reading what I write? Am I becoming boring? Are others thinking the same thing? Is my message not a good one? Fear. Vulnerability. All emotional insecurities fighting with each other to rise to the top. And at first I was going to spew out all these insecure statements. I was going to attack him for even thinking like that because I so wanted to defend the honour of my writing. My passion. How could he not understand how much writing this blog really means to me, I thought with despair.
And in the past I would have reacted very defensively to him or anyone who questioned why I write. This time I paused and allowed the thoughts to run through me. The feelings to be felt. And only when I felt brave enough, strong enough, confident enough did I respond, “Absolutely not. It is my passion. It’s what keeps me sane. Keeps me going. It helps me to understand what I am experiencing and feeling from a deep and hidden place. It helps me to understand me.”
To which he responded, “Oh, I thought after all this time, you may might be tired of writing your blog every day.” And then he walked away. I looked at his retreating back thinking what was that all about? What was he trying to tell me? What was the Universe trying to tell me?
Then we got busy so I forgot our conversation. But interestingly enough it came back to me this morning during my meditation. And when I started to write my blog, the first sentence that came out was the one I started with, “My husband asked me yesterday if I was tired of writing my blog every day.”
So I decided to explore why our exchange was still with me. To feel it again. To allow myself to release it to the Universe. Surrender it. So it could not hold me captive to my defensiveness, fear and insecurities. I decided to get it out of my system by writing about it.
And what I discovered was writing this blog is really about my growth, my learning, my experiences and my desire to share them with myself and anyone else who wishes to follow me on this, my journey of love and light. Writing my blog is about letting those who care to read my words to remember we are all interconnected in ways we cannot image.
Writing my blog helps me to remember we are here to teach and learn. Learn and teach. Every day, except Sunday, I write my blog, second after meditating. After setting my intention for the day. I sit and let my inner voice guide me as effortlessly and as earnestly as it can. Words spilling out on the page before I even know where I am going. It is my moment when I am my authentic self. When I allow my vulnerabilities to guide my creativity without interference or thought. Just going with the flow.
And that is why I write my blog every single day, except Sunday, so I can be at one with me and my path in life. Starting my day with the sound of silence, intention setting, gratitude and writing from my heart and soul. Sending out love and light. How can I ever tire of that? How could that ever be a chore? When it is one of the most sacred and liberating parts of my day.
Accepting my husband’s question was not to offend me but rather to understand me. Understanding he could not relate because it is not his journey to write every day as it is mine. Accepting everyone has their own journey in life and that is why we don’t always understand the whys of someone else’s. Understanding we cannot do anything if we are doing it to please others. That we can only grow by being who we are and doing what we love with passion. And if we are brave enough to share that passion with others, it opens our hearts, minds and soul even more to the gifts and treasures of the Universe.
And I hope by sharing my journey, my passion, I am opening someone else’s heart , mind and soul too. Namaste.
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