We are the story

There is a story in everything we do. Everyday life. Every day experience.  Our lives are all stories. Our recollection of what we have seen, done, heard. Every person and everything we encounter is a character in our stories. Everything we see sets the scene for our story.

Through writing I have become so much more aware of who I am, of how each encounter I experience brings me closer to my Godself and that’s why I no longer take anyone or anything for granted because I realise each is as equally important as the other. Each is there to inspire me whether in a good or bad way because inspiration just like life is not always fun and fluffy and the way we thought it was going to be. But what we realise when it passes is that we tapped into something much more than we ever thought possible.

Our stories are unfolding every single day. Each experience depending not only on the choices we make but the ones we don’t as well. For some reason the phrase, choose wisely, has been circulating over and over in my brain. Making me question what it means and what choices I’m supposed to be making as well as those choices I’m not.

I know it all boils down to how I want my story to unfold. How the storyteller inside of me is trying to point a portrait of what I want to say, portray, the legacy I want to leave behind.  

We are all storytellers in our own right because each of us is living out our story every single day. Take nothing or no one for granted because they are characters helping us to craft our story along the way. Building who we are. Adding flavour to our lives. Weaving the story of who we are. Why we are. Because we are the story.

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Ode to my dad on his 84th birthday

Yesterday was my dad’s (pops as I call him) 84^th birthday. Wow, 84 years on this earth. What does it feel like to be 84?

I sat down to write something about my dad but found it difficult to write how I feel about him. He is a man who taught himself how to read, had to leave school when he was 13 because he had to help his family of numerous siblings and mother to survive.

He taught himself how to be a business man. Never really working for anyone else but himself for the majority of his life. Grew up in a household that did not show much love because that was the era they were in and as such has not known how to show love to us as his children. Not in the traditional sense anyway but in the only way he knew how by providing for us. Bought a home when it was unheard of for a man of his background to have a home. Rented it out for years so that when we moved in he could manage the payments. Did the best he could with the limited resources he had.

Left as a widow at 48 with 4 young children to take care of. Shut himself off from the world for a while when he had one disappointment after the other after my mother’s death.

Do I love my dad? Yes I do. A love that has matured over the years. One that started out as not knowing really who he was because he was the provider not the nurturer before my mother’s death. Then he became the man I had to make sure I had dinner on the table for when he got home from work. An awkward stage of my life where I defied him as much as I could trying to get some feedback from him. Realising now he may have wanted to but didn’t know how to communicate with me. The only girl in a houseful of males. His only daughter. Thinking back he was probably terrified of me. Of what I could become without a mother. Terrified of my siblings as well. Of what they could become without a mother. Terrified of what his life had become. A man without a wife and 4 children.

Watching him age and slowly take on much regret about the decisions he has made in his life. Wishing he could forgive himself for the choices he made. Wishing he could accept we forgive him for the choices he made in his life. Wishing I could get into his head a bit more to understand him. Accepting that’s just the way he is and there is nothing I can do but be there for him every time he calls. Every time he needs me. Because above all I know as a parent and as an aging person that we do the best we can with the resources we have. Some better than others but at our core we are who we are and no one can change that.

So  as a belated gift to my pops for his birthday I want him to know publicly I do love him and I do appreciate all that he has done to provide for me and my siblings because he has and continues to do the best he can. 

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Finding my joy even when I thought I had none

Late yesterday afternoon I dragged myself out of bed trying to rejuvenate myself and shake this cold. I showered for a long time. As hot as I could take it. Trying to steam out my sinuses.  As I stepped out of the lovely hot shower there sitting on top of my children’s trampoline was a beautiful blue bird. His back was to me but to see him gave me such inspiration and hope I immediately started to smile.

I was so relieved to see that bluebird. I stood watching him for the longest time. Watching his feathers fluttering in the wind but he was unfazed by it at all. His brilliant blue a contrast against the silver trampoline poles. His posture indicating strength, pride, endurance.

Bluebirds have been scarce of late in our yard because feral chickens have taken over our yard. We were worried we had lost our bluebirds forever because my son’s Boy’s Brigade instructor told him where there are feral chickens there are no bluebirds – the two don’t mix.

I felt as if that bluebird had perched itself outside of my bathroom window just to give me strength. I felt so inspired I got dressed and sat out on my porch to feel the sun on my face hoping my energy would be restored. I looked around at the natural beauty that surrounds me every day. Changing slightly according to the season and day.  I inhaled deeply.

I looked at the freesias covering the ground underneath my now bare Poinciana tree. The expanse of green grass. A starling that has made his nest inside a hole in the Poinciana tree flying in and out.  Feeling the wind blowing through the porch. I looked around my porch at the Buddha adding serenity to the setting. My Indonesian face mask taken down because of the high winds lying on the table. The beautiful perfect roses my family gave to me for Valentine’s Day blooming majestically, holding their own despite the wind.

Still feeling lousy I expressed my gratitude to the Universe for slowing me down, giving me the opportunity to rest, to sit, to take in all that I have right in front of me. Reminding me of all that I have and then I exhaled. Still feeling bad physically but enriched spiritually  for the reminders I had that no matter how bad we may feel there is always a part of us that can feel joy. Reminding me nothing or no one can bring us joy because we are joy.

Thank you my bluebird for helping me to tap into my joy even when I thought I had none.

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Surrendering to my weakened immune system

I’m feeling a bit rough today. Head is heavy. Throat is sore and overall I am feeling very groggy. No energy. Eyes heavy. And my whole body is telling me to rest. To get my energy back. To clear this cold that threatening to consume me.

I have been fighting it off and on for the last few weeks . My daughter brought it home from school. Passed it to my son then to my husband. I thought I was clear of it but it looks like it is finally getting to me. For those of you out there with children you know what I am talking about when I say school is the breeding ground for disease. Nasty horrible bugs incubate there waiting to take on their next prey.

 I have been going nonstop for quite some time now. Living off about 5 hours of sleep a night particularly during the work week. Running my system down. Weakening my immune system. Now it is all catching up with me.

I can barely hold my head up but I came to my desk to look out the window. To see my happy Buddha. To take in the sunshine flowing thorough my windows. To write. Hoping somehow these things would magically clear my head. They have a little because I am a writing junky but not enough for me to say I feel fantastic.

So everyone I am going to listen to my body today and I am going to rest it. Build myself back up so I can face whatever comes my way next week. But for now I am going to surrender to the moment of this illness that is invading my body.

Back to bed I go. Listening to my body. Following my instincts. Remaining in the moment. Something I hope you will do today too. We only have the moment we are in, nothing more, nothing less. Listen to your inner compass. The cues it sends and follow them. Trust me you’ll feel a whole lot better when you do.

Happy Sunday and I’ll be open to receiving all the positive energy you can send me to get through this bug. Off to bed I go.

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Thunderstorm necessary force of nature and us

Yesterday morning, I was just about to get out of bed to do my normal routines including writing my blog when lightning flashed fiercely through my window and thunder rattled my home. As many of you know, I am terrified of thunderstorms. Instantly I broke out in a sweat, pulled the covers over my head. Despite it being hot, sticky and humid. And lay shaking in my bed.

Flinching with every flash of lightning. Wincing with every crack of thunder. The storm got progressively worse rather than better. I moved over to hug my husband. Needing his reassurance because  I was so terrified.

As fear threatened to consume me, I  questioned why I had such fear when I have been writing about how interconnected everyone and everything is. How we are all one.  Including being a part of nature. A calmness ran through me as a I realised the thunderstorm was just as important and beautiful and necessary as a bright sunny day. Nature has a way of correcting the atmosphere when it becomes too heavy. And it is through the release of thunderstorms that it is able to bring back the balance necessary to bring back calmness.

My whole body relaxed and I watched the flashes darting through my window. I listened to the rolling thunder. I released the fear of what could be. Let go of the worry that my home could be hit. Said a silent prayer to the Universe to protect me, my family and my home from the dangers of the storm. Then surrendered to the moment. To accepting that what was meant to be would be.  To knowing that the thunderstorm was out of my control and there was nothing I could do to change what it was because it was being sent by a force much greater than me.

My daughter than woke up terrified by the storm and I was able to comfort her having surrendered to it. My husband, daughter and I lay in bed talking about what thunderstorms really are. My daughter having just learnt about them in school telling us, “Lightning is a big electric spark that causes the air to heat up and expand which causes the air to pop and that is what causes thunder.”

A peace came over the three of us as we accepted that what we were experiencing was nature correcting itself. Getting rid of its problems so that once again there would be peace. Soon the storm passed. Later than I had hoped. Throwing my routines off. With me having to chose which ones I had to give up in order to make up for lost time. But grateful the storm had given me the opportunity to bond with my husband and daughter without rushing out of bed. Forcing me to change my routine a bit. Getting the most important morning chores done and out of the way before I settled down to write my blog.

Proud that I was able to conquer my fear of thunderstorms. Pleased I was able to get all that I needed to get done and still get out of the house on time. Happy to see just how adaptable I really am. All because of the force of nature. Our every present teacher reminding me about the natural order of things. Reminding me that every once in a while we will experience storms both physically and mentally to teach us how to find our natural balance – to find what centres us and brings us peace. And for the thunderstorm yesterday morning I am truly grateful.

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Winning means seeing the big picture

“However beautiful the strategy, you should occasionally look at the results.” Winston Churchill

Sometimes we are so hell bent on proving our strategy. Solidifying our position. And when we do, we don’t even see we are destroying all that we have worked for as a result. The motto of my alma mater, The Berkeley Institute, “Respice Finem, Keep the End in View” reminds me all the time to first understand what it is I am trying to achieve before implementing any plans to achieve it.  Enabling me to change and adapt whenever I need to - always keeping my eye on the intended result.  Seeing the big picture.

Strategies are merely guidelines setting the foundation for us to achieve what we want. If we remember it is ultimately the results we want. Not the strategy. Therefore strategy is dynamic not static. Flexible not rigid. Such that when we aren’t seeing the results we want, we need to accept our strategy is flawed. Have the nerve to admit it is flawed. Change it before we find ourselves in a worse position than we were before.

As Kahlil Gibran once said, “Be willing to find a truth rather than saying I have found the truth.”  And not only say it, believe it. Adopt it. Be it. We do not know the answers to it all. We are imperfect beings so we must adapt. Be willing to listen. Be willing to change direction. Be willing to compromise. No man is an island. We do not operate in isolation. Our whole Universe is interconnected. Therefore what one does have a ripple effect on us all.

Sometimes it’s better to get our point across without necessarily having to prove we are right. Sometimes winning means being willing to walk away, acquiesce,  be empathetic. Not aggressive and in your face. Always winning means treating others the way we want to be treated. 

And only then will we be able to understand and follow Churchill’s advice, “However beautiful the strategy, we (sic) should occasionally look at the results.”

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The delicate balance of our existance

We got an extra day yesterday. And what a glorious day it was. Sun shining bright. No breeze. Low humidity. Perfect.

So what did you do with your extra day? I decided to take a long walk out in the sunshine through the stunning Par La Ville Park. An oasis in the middle of all the hustle and bustle in Hamilton. Because the day was so beautiful, the park was alive with people.  Happy faces. Laughter. Joy filled the air.

In tribute of this glorious day I decided to do some research to find out what this extra day is all about and why we have it. Does it have any significance of us and our daily lives?

Well it turns out the Leap Year is not as straight forward as it seems.

I discovered it takes almost 365 1/4 days (365.242199 days to be exact) for the earth to complete a full rotation around the sun. But our calendar only has 365 days.

If we didn't add a leap year day every four years, we would lose six hours from our calendar every year—that would mean we'd lose 24 days over the course of 100 years.

What’s even more intriguing is there is one exception to the leap year rule involving century years, like the year 1900. Since the year is slightly less than 365.25 days long, adding an extra day every 4 years results in about 3 extra days being added over a period of 400 years. For this reason, only 1 out of every 4 century years is considered as a leap year. Century years are only considered as leap years if they are evenly divisible by 400. Therefore, 1700, 1800, 1900 were not leap years, and 2100 will not be a leap year. But 1600 and 2000 were leap years, because those year numbers are evenly divisible by 400.

Julius Caesar started the Leap Year because he wanted his festival days to fall on certain days so he added days to different months to achieve the result he needed.

It was in 1582 that the Georgian calendar was introduced when they realised they couldn’t just add days because by doing so eventually it threw the whole calendar year off. Upsetting the balance of human existence.

All this to say something we think is as trivial as adding another day to the calendar every four years is so much more complex. The extra day is actually defined by the mystery of the Universe relating to our sun. The force that is integral to our existence. Reminding me just how interconnected everything and everyone is in this Universe. Upsetting one thing can upset the balance. Upsetting our entire means of existence.

The sun was so perfect yesterday. Once every four years if it is divisible by 400 we get this glorious extra day. One more day to find our authentic selves. Another day to discover who we are. 

Thanks Feb 29 for putting pep in my step and allowing me to come alive by forcing me to break away from my usual work routine and get out to feel the sun on my face warming my soul, forcing my creative juices to rise to the surface. Unblocking the roadblocks in my mind and allowing me to see clearly. To think. To explore.  And express to gratitude for the powers of the Universe for helping me to see there is nothing trivial about the delicate balance of our existence.

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