Finding my joy even when I thought I had none

Late yesterday afternoon I dragged myself out of bed trying to rejuvenate myself and shake this cold. I showered for a long time. As hot as I could take it. Trying to steam out my sinuses.  As I stepped out of the lovely hot shower there sitting on top of my children’s trampoline was a beautiful blue bird. His back was to me but to see him gave me such inspiration and hope I immediately started to smile.

I was so relieved to see that bluebird. I stood watching him for the longest time. Watching his feathers fluttering in the wind but he was unfazed by it at all. His brilliant blue a contrast against the silver trampoline poles. His posture indicating strength, pride, endurance.

Bluebirds have been scarce of late in our yard because feral chickens have taken over our yard. We were worried we had lost our bluebirds forever because my son’s Boy’s Brigade instructor told him where there are feral chickens there are no bluebirds – the two don’t mix.

I felt as if that bluebird had perched itself outside of my bathroom window just to give me strength. I felt so inspired I got dressed and sat out on my porch to feel the sun on my face hoping my energy would be restored. I looked around at the natural beauty that surrounds me every day. Changing slightly according to the season and day.  I inhaled deeply.

I looked at the freesias covering the ground underneath my now bare Poinciana tree. The expanse of green grass. A starling that has made his nest inside a hole in the Poinciana tree flying in and out.  Feeling the wind blowing through the porch. I looked around my porch at the Buddha adding serenity to the setting. My Indonesian face mask taken down because of the high winds lying on the table. The beautiful perfect roses my family gave to me for Valentine’s Day blooming majestically, holding their own despite the wind.

Still feeling lousy I expressed my gratitude to the Universe for slowing me down, giving me the opportunity to rest, to sit, to take in all that I have right in front of me. Reminding me of all that I have and then I exhaled. Still feeling bad physically but enriched spiritually  for the reminders I had that no matter how bad we may feel there is always a part of us that can feel joy. Reminding me nothing or no one can bring us joy because we are joy.

Thank you my bluebird for helping me to tap into my joy even when I thought I had none.