I am the Gift and the Giver

I woke up yesterday morning feeling the Monday morning blues. Really feeling them. Deep down in my soul. Thinking about all I have to accomplish at work. Thinking of all I had not accomplished at home. Thinking of having to face some people who did not want to be in my space but had to be because we share the same space. Thinking of how I am going to make it through the day. Feeling sorry for myself.

Then I opened my Twitter account and there was a message from two of my Florida sisters telling me that I am a great writer. Inviting me to guest blog for them. Share my blog on their blog, @ The Daily Own. Talking about make my heart sing.

Then I received a message from my old boss with a joke that made me laugh out loud. Followed by a hug from my husband to tell me to go for it. Surrounded by the love of my children. Making my son an old Bermuda concoction of honey, hot water and lemon to clear his allergies then putting him back to bed.  Driving to work singing at the top of my lungs to Beyonce with my daughter. Both of us getting our groove on. Casting aside the Monday morning blues.

When I got to the office, my spiritual mother walked into my office and took me to another level of understanding. Just from her grace. Her presence. Her nonjudgemental love of me and the Universe.

And then I knew the Universe had heard my prayer. My cry for help and was answering me in so many ways. Affirming to me that though I may be challenged there are so many in my life who recognise me for the contributions I am making. My spirit grew stronger as the day passed on. The day that started out dreary and oppressive both metaphorically and physically opened up into bright and glorious light.

I took a break during lunch and went with my husband to Yoga. When I walked into the class it was grey , dull and drizzly. After cleansing my mind, I walked out of the class to a bright sunshiny day.  I walked back to the office with pep in my step. Radiating pure love and light.

Then a co-worker walked into my office and shared a very personal and uplifting story with me. Again the Universe was guiding me to all the positive that exists in this world alongside all that is negative. Reminding me that the positive is always there. It’s just how we frame our perception and outlook as to whether we can see it.

A friend from England sent me an email out of the blue putting a smile on my face. Another friend posted a photo of my husband and me dancing like teenagers adding more sunshine to my day.

Then I came home last night fully expecting to have an early night and got yet another gift from the Universe, the Finale of the @Oprah Lifeclass.  I listened and watched the “Spiritual Squad” of "@Iyanla Vanzant, @Deepak Chopra, @Tony Robbins and @Bishop TD Jakes reminding us that "when we are conscious of the energy we bring into the room, we understand our presence is enough. What we do matters." "Wherever there is appreciation there will be duplication." "Gratitude opens the door to abundance consciousness."

Reminding me that when I change my "expectation for appreciation", the world changes for me. It did yesterday as soon as I recognised the gifts the Universe was bestowing on me. My whole outlook changed and negativity could not get in because I was appreciative of all that crossed my path. Because I recognised they were there to teach me more about me and my response to whatever happens. 

And for yesterday's lessons I am truly grateful. Thank you everyone who helped me to see the light. Thank you Universe for helping me to embrace me. To tell my story. Spread my story to open someone else’s eyes to all the abundance that is so readily available. To remember that I am the Gift and the Giver and that if I see myself as the gift and keep giving without expectation, I am a being of love and light. And that’s what I’ll attract in return.

I woke up yesterday morning feeling the Monday morning blues. I went to bed last night with pure joy, love, light and gratitude for all the abundance in my life. And my heart and soul were full. So to all. The Universe. And to myself. Gratitude. Joy. Love. Light. And peace. Amen.

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Feeling conflicted about colours leads me to an awakening

Yesterday I was forced to confront the fact that expectation can kill a good thing! I have been wearing more colours and glorifying in them. Basking in the compliments that I am receiving about wearing colours. So much so I was getting to the point that I really believed that no matter what I was feeling deep in my soul, no matter how tired I was, spent in fact, just putting on a colour would help to lift my spirits.

Well that all came to a screeching halt yesterday when the fact that I have been going nonstop came and slapped me squarely in the face. I woke up yesterday morning feeling groggy, tired, grouchy. I just wanted to put my head back down on my pillow, pull the covers over my head and sleep the day away. But I couldn’t because I had an obligation yesterday with my daughter. So begrudgingly I got up and got dressed. Putting myself in bright pink thinking it would help to take some of the fatigue out of my body.

As I was driving I could feel a sense of weariness creeping through my being. Feeling like I was a spectator in my life rather than a participant in my life. I shrugged the feelings aside. Denying I could be feeling that way particularly since I had on bright pink. But I couldn’t.

I sat on the sidelines for most of the day dreaming that I was in my bed curled up reading my book. I tried really hard to shake the feelings but I couldn’t. I kept looking down at the pink thinking how ridiculous I looked in that colour. How I felt so much like a peacock. Getting angry with myself by the minute for the conflict about colours that was racing through my mind.

By the time I got home I felt like I hadn’t done a thing I wanted to do all weekend long so I snapped at my family, snapped at myself and then felt like a complete failure to everyone including myself.

It wasn’t until I showered. Lingering in the shower for quite some time. Letting the thoughts, images, recollections of the day filter through my mind that I realised what my problem was. I expected colours to lift me out of the days when I just don’t feel like it. Rather than accepting that some days I won’t feel like it. As the water ran down my body I realised it’s okay some days to just not feel like it. And no matter what colour I put on, they won’t change the way I am feeling.

As I cleansed my body I also cleansed my soul knowing that it’s expectation that kills the moment. It drives us over the edge. Making us falsely believe we have reached our destination before we get there. Rather than seeing by placing expectations on outcomes, we have missed the journey that happens in between. The journey I was supposed to have yesterday unfolded exactly the way it was meant to but it took me longer to get there because I was so focused on the destination that I forgot to enjoy the journey along the way.

No matter what colour I have on, if I place expectations on the way I am meant to feel, I am defeating the purpose of choosing to be in that colour for the day. Everything in moderation allows us to relinquish control over how things are supposed to be. So if I want to wear all black one day perhaps it’s because I need to but forcing myself into colours just because I think they will shift my consciousness is not the way to go either. I have to go with what feels right for me for that day and go for it. Only then will the colours I choose matter the most. Because that choice would be a choice based on how I am really feeling on the inside and will resonate more with my soul. If I force it as I did yesterday then all I am doing is setting myself up for disappointment. And for that lesson I am truly grateful.

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Colours really do shift our energy

I did it yesterday everyone. I walked out of my house with the brightest ensemble I have worn in a while. And everywhere I turned people told me I looked beautiful! And you know what I felt beautiful. My husband told me I was stunning. A woman I have never seen before stopped me in my tracks to tell me when I walked in the door I took her breath away. I told her it was because of the colours I had on. To which she responded no you could have on any colour and you would still be beautiful because you are beautiful! I thanked her for making my day.

What was even more amazing was because I was so colourful, I felt colourful, spunky, brave. I felt like the Universe was conspiring with me to make the day a good one despite hearing some strange news first thing in the morning that tempted to derail my high. If I would have had my moody black on I may have taken on that negative energy and let it drain me. But because I felt good about me with the vivid colours I had on, I let the negative thought pass through me and out the other side and every time it tried to steal my thunder I closed my eyes and saw the reds, oranges, turquoise, blues and whites I had on and felt my inner soul start to shine.

My husband and I went to lunch together, a belated birthday lunch, and we sat out on a balcony of a restaurant overlooking our beautiful Hamilton Harbour. And I was filled with even more love and light and peace as we sat and talked like adults against a backdrop that rivalled anyone’s impression of what Utopia would look like. And it was because I was so colourful and feeling strong that I relaxed with him enjoying our stolen moment out of our everyday harried lives.

I’m hooked now on colours. I know what they do to my insides. I know what they do to my energy. And surprisingly I know what they do to the energy of those that come into my space. Colours  are a reflection of the beauty that is ever present in our lives, the turquoise of the ocean, the reds of the hibiscus flower, the whites of the clouds, the azures of the skies, the greens of the leaves, the purity of the sun.

I’m so glad I followed my instincts and decided to break my mould and come out looking like the colours of the rainbow yesterday because it cleansed my soul, opened my heart and shut out the negativity that may have caused me to have a bad day. And I am so proud of myself for embracing colours. May I be daring enough to put myself out there more adorned like the colours of the rainbow. Knowing how they truly benefit my mind, body and soul.

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We attract what we project

I started yesterday morning off feeling really confused and with no real energy to start the day. Trying to understand the way I was feeling, I wrote a blog about my feelings. Put them out there. And then I surrendered them. Breathed them in. Breathed them out. I was then lead to an article by Deepak Chopra about Oprah’s visit to India. It was all inspiring. Gave me goose bumps with such lines as, “I believe that what you do to others is already done to you.... My strength is seeing myself in other people and being able to connect on a spiritual, human level. I am not my brother's keeper. I am my brother (or sister). My greatest talent is to connect the commonality in our human experience so people can see themselves and their possibilities in others. 
I'm at heart a storyteller who loves life stories that demonstrate our capacity to feel more human, to fall down and get back up to triumph, to love. I would like to see a more awakened and conscious world aware of the consequences of our choices and willingness to make changes. That's my greatest hope, a more enlightened world.”

I felt my heart lifting. My soul shining. My breathing getting easier. Her words are words I could have spoken because they are exactly how I feel about myself. I am here for a Divine purpose. Recognising the reason why I am so attracted to Oprah, I wanted to explore more so I went to her website where I found the quote, "Instead of looking and around and saying, I’m happy because of what I have in my hand, I'm happy because of what I have in my heart."—Dr. Jack Cline.

It brought tears to my eyes. 

Feeling inspired I decided to check out Facebook to see what my friends were up to and  found inspiration in every post I read. Allowing me to know that we get whatever it is that we put out there. By shifting my energy from negative to positive, I was embraced by the light. Given nuggets of inspiration to remember we are what we project.

We attract into our lives whatever it is we are looking for. Reminding me we really have to be careful about what we project because that is exactly what we will attract. Life gives us exactly what we ask not often the way we thought it would happen or not when we thought it would happen sometimes but it does. Reminding me the power of suggestion is all important.

Thank you for allowing me to see I am the Madame of my Destiny. If I send conflicting messages to the Universe I will attract conflicting gifts back. If I seek clarity, I will get clarity. If I am negative, I will attract negativity. If I am full of love, light, happiness and abundance, I will attract all of these gifts and treasures in my life. And for this lesson I am truly grateful.

Yesterday turned into an all inspiring day as a result. Here's to another day.

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Calming the helter skelter

There are so many more demands on us than ever before because of the advance in technology. We know too much or we think we know too much about what’s happening all around the world because the information is only a click away on our computers. We are expected to respond quickly to every demand made on us because of the Internet. 

I don’t know about you but I am suffering from brain overload at the moment. I have so many demands, so many choices to make, so many obligations that sometimes I just want to sit in a chair facing the sun on my own and shut the rest of the world off. Sometimes I just want to silence the chatter in my head. The constant demands I put on myself because I am expected to be a certain way. Complete certain tasks. Be on point all the time.

Sometimes I just want to listen to nothing but the sound of silence so I can really and truly hear what my instincts, inner compass, or third eye is trying to tell me. Trying to guide me. Lately I have been feeling flustered trying to keep up. Trying to prioritize what’s important. Trying to please. And I am feeling slightly overwhelmed because I’m not sure if the decisions I am making are the ones I really want to make. Or if I am making them because that’s what everyone expects me to do.

I am trying not to be too hard on myself because I know I am human and I know I am constantly being tested as are so many of you at the moment. I am trying to be patient and surrender to the Universe so it can guide me to where I am meant to be. However I sometimes get impatient and worry that I am missing out on opportunities because I am trying to be it all rather than just being.

Just getting these thoughts out there has helped to calm the energy that has been churning inside me. Has unblocked some of my apprehensions. So this has been a good thing. I just have to let them out every once in a while and hope for the best. I know now that the sound of silence is a gift from the Universe. A gift for us to inhale our chatter and exhale our fears leaving us with clean energy. Allowing us to see the possibility ever present in our lives. The abundance. The love.

I know it is important to believe in possibility. Because possibility gives us hope.  Without hope there is no possibility. We always have to have faith because without faith, there is no hope. We always have to be patient and not over extend ourselves because then we will miss the everyday blessings that are there for the taking.

Today I will take deep breaths whenever I feel myself going helter skelter. I will close my eyes and see myself sitting in that chair all alone facing the sun absorbing its rays and emptying my mind of all the unnecessary chatter. I will allow the rays of the sun to cleanse me. To free me. That way I will accept, believe and know I am blessed. I will know I am enough. I will remember I am all that I am meant to be. And instantly my energy will change and become the loving, forgiving and abundant energy it always is when I allow it.

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Embracing the need for colour in my life

I am craving colours at the moment. Wanting more blues, aquamarines in my life. Very strange for me because I am a woman shrouded from head to toe in black because it allows me to blend in. Appear slimmer. Disappear.

But lately I have been feeling very colourful. Needing to add a splash of colour to my black uniform. I always associated black with being chic. Not too outlandish. Safe. Not ruffling anyone’s feather. Not drawing attention to myself.

But for some reason in the last few weeks I have craved colours. Needed more colours. Bright colours. Neon colours. Vibrant colours. Is something inside me changing? Bursting to break free? Come to life?

Am I tired of blending in? Playing it safe? Am I tired of hiding behind black because it has become too predictable? Too safe?

I recently discovered that people who wear black all the time tend to be moody and want to hide. So why am I starting to change?  What is drawing m to colours?  I haven’t been able to put on vibrant colours from head to toe yet. I’m taking it slow. But the desire is there.

I look in my closet and there is a sea of black. Darkness. So the process of change will be gradual. Particularly since I am a monochromatic dresser. I like to have one colour on from top to bottom. Because the majority of my wardrobe is black, I am throwing in accent pieces that enhance the black.  Gives it a little bit of an edge. Helps to build my confidence to get to the point of being bright and colourful.

What’s reassuring is whenever I find the nerve to put on a colour and walk out of the house in it, I get so many compliments about how I look. Thinking even further back when I met my husband some 22 years ago I was wearing aquamarine and he thought I was one of the most beautiful women he had ever seen. Perhaps I’m finally starting to fall in love with me again and hence the desire to be colourful.

Whatever this need to have colour in my life is I am going to explore it because I can feel my soul singing, my heart skipping a beat, my whole being feeling enlightened. Something is definitely starting to happen to me and I’m going to try my best to go with it. Not resist it. Not try to control it. To see where it takes me.

People that wear black a lot like to be in control. Maybe finally I am not feeling the need to control everything. Maybe It’s time for me to just let go and let it be. So if you see me walking down the street looking like the rainbow I haven’t lost my marbles, I’m just exploring me that much more. Trying colours on to see what resonates the most with where my being is trying to take me. Embracing the need for colours in my life.

Bring on the colours. I’m ready.

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Through the eyes of a 21 year old

William Shakespeare and I share the same birthday and for good reasons that fact popped into my head yesterday morning after waking up to several birthday wishes from my family and friends.

I felt so special yesterday with all the warm messages from everyone so thank you all for making my day memorable. Thank you to my brother Chris for posting a photo of me when I was an eager 21 year old who still saw the world through rose coloured glasses. For reminding me that even at 49 I am not only entitled to still view the world through rose coloured glasses but I can also live my life that way as well.

Shakespeare was one of the greatest writers of our time. There is no coincidence that he and I share the same birthday. It’s a reminder to me of the talent I possess and how I cannot just let it slip sway. I have to continue to explore it. Live it. Breathe it because it is huge part of who I am. Having the same birthday as this great writer is symbolic of what still lies untapped inside of me.

He just went for it and wrote and put himself out there. Exposed himself to the world. Exorcised his innermost desires. And I am slowly but surely doing the same. I will one day be known the same as he was for writing from my soul. For stirring souls. For writing my truth such that it resonates with those who are seeking their truths as well.

Then as a reminder again of my strength as a writer a colleague walked into my office and said he had just seen the insurance book I had written some 8 years ago and was impressed by it. A gift again for my birthday to let me know I am a writer. And I can’t abandon that fact either.

Another sign came to me last night when I was out to dinner with my family. At the end of the meal we all opened our fortune cookies and my message was to live my dreams. I take that to mean that I have to continue to write and one day I can make my birth mate, William Shakespeare proud to have shared the same birth date.

Just like that 21 year old girl whose face was blasted across my Facebook page by my brother with the bright wide eyes who was ready to conquer the world. So am I as a 49 year old woman. Who has lived longer than when that picture was taken. Who still has so much to live for. Write for. Strive for. And to be because I am a writer. A mother. A wife. And a woman living her story. Writing her story. Recording her story and breathing through it every single day.

Thank you to my brother for letting me see that girl again - on the cusp of becoming a woman some 28 years ago. Looking into her eyes. Inspiring me to keep going for it. Innocent but eager. I have her image burned into the back of my mind now. Willing me to make the promises I made many years before come true. And to quote my birth mate, "Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt".

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