Full of life. Full of grace

Last evening I came home from a long day at work to a freshly cut lawn. Stopping me instantly in my tracks. Forcing me to stand and look at the beautiful place I live in. The beautiful place I call home.

The green of the grass was vibrant. The trees stately and powerful. The brilliant flowers my husband planted along the new borders he put into our yard. The burst of colours soothing my soul. Like my own Garden of Eden.

I looked at all the beauty that surrounds me every day and whispered a silent thank you to the universe for all the abundance I have in my life. For the smile that spread across my face when I looked at what I see every single day but don’t see sometimes because I am too busy being busy. For forcing me to stop and stand. Just stand. Pushing all sense of busyness aside and letting the wonder of the moment sink through me. Letting the magic of the moment penetrate me. Letting the silence of the moment envelop me. Saying thank you again and again for all that I have. And all that I am about to receive.

For all the trails I have been through and am still going through. For all the hardships that have come and gone in my life. For all the missteps I have taken. I thanked the Universe for them all because standing there yesterday made me realise just how far I have come. Just how many hurdles I have jumped. Just how many closed doors I have managed to go around. And still I stood surrounded by nature’s bounty. Unbroken. Unwavering. Unafraid.

Embracing all that is and all that is to come without expectation. Without judgement. Without busyness. Just being for the moment. Inhaling and exhaling. Breathing in and out. Taking in the life force that surrounds and protects me everyday. Grateful for its invisible presence. Grateful for knowing it exists.

Grateful for taking the time to shift my mood by standing in nature and seeing all that I am and can be. A being of light, love and compassion. A being of nature. A being of infinite possibility. And then I walked with dignity into my home full of grace. Full of love. Full of life.  Full of me.

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The birth of a butterfly

Yesterday morning I learned of the death of my friend Marion Shannon Vance and I was so grateful to Teal Mobiles for letting her friends from far and wide know about her passing.

I wondered if I would ever know if she had passed. Wondered if I would be able to express my gratitude so that her family and friends could know how much she meant to so many people. So I would check every day to see if there was any news about her. And when I read the news, it hit me just how quickly life can change. Just how unprepared we always are for the news of someone’s death. How though I knew her prognosis was not good, I still hoped she would defy the odds and make it through because she was such a fighter. But it just wasn’t meant to be.

And then I reflected on life and death. The circle of life and thought about how we truly are transient beings. Here to learn lessons. Here to teach lessons. But what we have to remember most of all is how little time we have in this physical body. How little time we get to live our lives as we are embodied in this go around.

Surprisingly I did not feel sad for Marion. I felt pleased that she had people who were looking out for her wellbeing and who cared enough about her to let those, who were not close in distance, to know about her crossing over. I am proud to have known a woman who touched so many people. Touched so many lives.

None of us know what is at the end of this journey for us. No one can tell us for sure what going into the light truly does for us. But what we do know for sure is that each day we have here on earth is a day for us to embrace our essence selves. To treat people in the manner that we want to be treated. To remember everyone has a turn at rising and falling. That roles are constantly reversing because this physical body is teaching us all about compassion, love and forgiveness.

So that when the day comes for our physical being to end someone was touched enough by what we represented to them that they want the world to know of our passing. As did many with my friend Marion. Who I now believe truly understands what Deepak Chopra meant when he said, “what the caterpillar thought was the end of the world was the birth of the butterfly.”

 After I wrote this blog in honour of my brave sister, I saw she had created her own butterfly nest, pictured above, which I wanted to share with you 

Fly Marion. Fly. Until the next time...

www.tealmobiles.com

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Reclaiming the power we all carry within

Yesterday I watched Oprah’s Soul Food Sunday show by chance. I was supposed to be looking for a telephone number for my son and ended up being drawn to the Oprah network. Going with the flow proved to be the greatest gift I gave myself yesterday because I ended up getting a lesson about life from Pastor TD Jakes that shifted my whole mindset.

Pastor Jakes took me on a journey about self discovery that was beyond inspiring, beyond anything I was expecting. And when he walked off the stage, I felt I had so much to shout about. So much to be grateful for. So much to look forward to. So much energy and wellbeing that I felt like a new woman.

Pastor Jakes left me with a thought that reignited a fire deep within my soul when he said, “I am no greater than the thoughts I think.” Let that thought sink.

Now repeat it, “I am no greater than the thoughts I think.”

Did you feel something shift inside you when you said those powerful words? I did and every time I say those words to myself I feel it. I feel a power that I have been suppressing for so long coming back into my whole body. Surging through my veins because I know more than ever that I am a product of my imagination – my own. No one else’s.

So why do I spend so much time worrying about what others think of me? Spend so much time trying to make sure they understand me when it really doesn’t matter. They have no control over my destiny. No control over the direction I want to take in my life. So why am I wasting my power on them?  Draining myself of the power I could be giving to myself to propel me to that place I need and want to be. To that place of total and utter acceptance of who I am and the path I want to be on. Ought to be on.

As Pastor Jakes said, “I cannot climb the mountain of someone’s thoughts.” Forcing me to examine why I am entrusting others to give me what I ought to be giving myself. To recognise that I am where I am because of the thoughts I think and thought. Powerful words. Powerful beyond belief. Powerful beyond measure.

So instead of asking why me and being afraid of what people can do to me, I am now fuelled to know I am the Queen of my own Kingdom. The Royalty of my own Throne.  And my new mantras are,

“I am limited by my thoughts only; not by the thoughts of others.

“I believe in me; not what others believe about me.

“My destiny is in my hands; not in the hands of others.”

Say those words to yourself over and over again and see how they make you feel. I hope as powerful as they did me. Today is a new day. The start of a new week. It’s Monday, usually the day I dread the most of the week. But today I feel different. I feel empowered to know I am as great as the thoughts I think. And so are you. So are we all. Here’s to new beginnings. To reclaiming the power we all carry within.

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When I am brave enough

When you get still enough. When you just let your thoughts go. When you ask the Universe for guidance and then release your concerns without expectation. Without demanding. When you least expect it, the Universe delivers it to you. Out of the blue. From a source you least expect. But you have to remain open to receive. And when you do, you will get the answers you need. All the time. Not what you thought and not what you were expecting. But exactly what you need. And sometimes it hurts when the answer comes. Sometimes it challenges you until you come to your knees. Sometimes it lifts you up. But most times it forces you to come face to face with who you are and what you stand for. And what you won’t. It forces you to be you. If you really want the answer you need.

I am going through an incredible growth period at the moment. I realised this more than ever this morning. And it was with great clarity that I did. I have been asking the Universe to guide me. To help me to make decisions that will free me. To give me the wings I need.

But what I realised this morning is that the Universe has been answering my call. Giving me hints about what I need to do. And when I am honest with myself, I know the Universe is answering me but I am the one who is not doing what I am meant to do. I am the one who the Universe is asking what is it that I truly want. I realise more than ever that the Universe has turned the question back on me. That it has been telling me and is telling me that I have always been free. That I have always had wings. But if I don’t believe in my own power then I will never see or feel that I am free. That I have wings.

This morning I was on my elliptical and anyone who exercises knows that sometimes to keep yourself going you have to watch mind numbing stuff on the TV so I flicked through the channels until I found something that would encourage me to stay on that machine. As I flicked I came across the true life story of Joan and Melissa Rivers. And just as I did, Joan Rivers said, “You can change anything you want.”

And then it hit me, I have the power to change anything I want. No one else can make or break my life. Only me. Whatever signals I am giving out that is exactly what I will get back. When I ask the Universe to help me to know who is true to me and will always be by my side no matter what. And it shows me who they are and also shows me who they are not then I need to trust that. Not analyse it. Not question it. But just accept it for what it is. Because as Maya Angelou says when someone shows you who they are, believe them.

When life shows us a path and it feels right deep down in our souls it is up to us to follow it. No one else can and no one else will.

Here’s to my intuition, the deepest and truest essence of who I am and who I will always be when I take the time to listen and acknowledge the gift I carry. The key to my freedom and to my wings is all within me. When I am brave enough to use it. Only then will I truly soar.

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Love is what makes the world go round

Recently I have had several discussions with people about parenting. Mostly mothers who are searching so hard to find the correct formula to be the best mother. To not feel like they are failing their children. To not feel like they are failing as women to raise their children.

And then there are others who are not happy with the way their parents raised them. How they blame their parents for the way their lives have turned out. How they are ashamed of their parents and want to disown them. Condemning them. Judging them.

Making me think about myself as a parent and all the insecurities and baggage I bring with me as a mother into my children’s lives. How once I became a parent I understood for the first time that my parents did not know it all because I don’t know it all. How sometimes I still feel like that little girl reaching my arms up for my mother to pick me up and hold me. Only to remember I have no mother. No one to hold me and comfort me. And how horrible that makes me feel. How I wish I still had a mother, whether good or bad, because I know there is nothing like a mother’s love.

How sometimes I feel like the child who wants to be loved. And not the mother. How sometimes I feel as if time has stopped and I am not aging at all but then I look around me and see my son is almost as tall as I am. My daughter is developing into a young lady and I know for a fact that time is not standing still and if I view my life through their growth I will see that time is marching on. And that I have to stop trying to be a perfect mother and just be a mother so my children can always know they are loved. Even when I am not a good mother to them. Even when I lose my temper with them. Even when I am sad or disappointed. Letting them see my imperfections so they don’t grow up believing they can be perfect. Explaining to them I am human just as they are, imperfections and all. But at the same time being there for them as best I can. Always. Letting them know they are loved.

I look at myself in the mirror as a mother, as a parent and I realise I am doing the best I can with the resources I have. I can only give them as much as I have to give. Nothing more or less. Reassuring myself I am doing the best I can with all that I have. Acknowledging  the same was true for my mother and father as was the same for their parents and so on and so on. Condemning myself not. Condemning them not. Being grateful for my children for teaching me the power of forgiveness and love.

For all the parents out there that are feeling like they have failed their children or are failing their children I strongly believe we are all doing the best we can with what we have to give. No more. No less. And at the end of the day all our children want is to know they belong. That they are loved. That they are not alone. And it doesn’t cost anything to do that. Not a thing. Just being present is enough for them.

So here’s to every mother in the world, love your children. That’s all they want. And the same is true for fathers as well.  Love is what makes our world go round. Nothing more. Nothing less. Nothing else. Only Love.

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The romance of the full moon

Night before last I stood at my bedroom door and looked out at the big bright full moon. Its light casting shadows all around. Silhouettes . Mystery and Light.

Feeling the flow of good energy coursing through my body. Inhaling the fact that there is nothing more romantic than an unobstructed full moon as we were graced with the other night. Feeling pure joy and gratitude for having the ability to see the moon and its light. Gratitude for taking the time to appreciate it.

I was so enraptured by the moon that I allowed my thoughts to wander to all the joyful times I thought about the moon. The most prominent being spending the time reading the classic book written by Margaret Wise Brown to first my son then my daughter, Good night moon. The words dancing around in my head.

“Good night room. Good night moon. Good night cow jumping over the moon, Good night light, and the red balloon.... Good night stars. Good night air. Goodnight noises everywhere.”

Allowing the silence that came after saying goodnight to the noises everywhere envelop me. Taking me away to a place and time when there was no noise. When life was far simpler. Less complicated. Closing my eyes and allowing the silence to take hold off me. Releasing me from the chatter. Embracing myself. Loving myself for who I am and who I am becoming. And silently whispering thank you to the Universe.

Then my thoughts wandered to the feelings that a full moon can evoke. To the many years when my son was young when I knew a full moon had come or was on its way without looking at a calendar because my son would suddenly not sleep through the night. When he would be fussy and his eyes would be wide open. Staring at something that only he could see. Until eventually I linked his behaviour to the coming of the full moon. To now when he just sleeps through the night and is not affected by the moon anymore.

To those times when I was a young girl and I used to stand outside staring at the full moon wondering how many people across the world were standing looking at the moon at the same time. Wondering what their lives were like. Wondering if they understood what life was all about. Wondering how we could be in different places but experiencing the moon. Thinking about the interconnectedness of us all. One world. One people. One Universe.

To the feelings I felt the other night as I looked out at the full moon. And then when I saw my friend’s photographs capturing the essence of the full moon, I knew I had to write a piece about the romance of the full moon. The effect it has on my soul.  The feelings it evokes and so I did and I enjoyed every moment of exploring my feelings and memories.  Here’s to the cycle of the moon, its waxing and waning. Its light as romantic as can be felt when we allow our minds to go. When we let go and surrender to the wonders around us every single day.

Goodnight moon. Good night stars. Good night air. Good night noises everywhere. 

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Embracing the masculine and feminine

While out walking the other day, I asked the Universe why I keep finding myself facing the same challenges over and over again. Then I surrendered the thought. Just let it go. Continuing on my walk. Taking in the natural beauty with gratitude and abundance.

And then out of nowhere, the thought, “The battle is won only when the deed is done” popped into my head. Repeating over and over again.

Perplexing me. Challenging me to understand its meaning. Asking me to unravel its mystery. So I listened to the words again. Slowly letting them roll through my brain. Like I was massaging them. Caressing them.

Trying to understand why I was jolted by the words. Particularly because they felt so masculine to me. Feminine and womanly me. So contrary to the essence of my being. So I could not understand why in the world something so masculine was haunting me. Trying to understand why something so masculine was asking me to understand it. Confusing me about why I would be thinking about a battle when I dislike wars. When I dislike fighting.

And then it came again but this time with the words transposed. “The deed is done only when the battle is won.”

And then it hit me. I realised with certainty that I am facing the same situations over and over again. Listening to the same complaints like a broken record. Being asked to confront the same issues. Pulled back into the same situations and places because I have not completed my lesson, my deed. Therefore the battle can’t end because I am not finished.

I knew then that the thought was in response to the question I had asked the Universe. But I was still confused about why I was being sent such a masculine response. Was the universe letting me know I was neglecting my masculine energy?  Can’t say I have ever been in touch with my masculine side as it is not the dominant in me. Or is it and I just don’t know or understand its meaning or what it feels like?

Was the Universe trying to allow me glimpses into that side of me? The yang of my yin. Because we all have that male and female energy flowing through us. To remind me to everything there is a mirror opposite in order to create balance.

As I explored the concept more I realised that in order for us to move forward, to step out of the ordinary we have to embrace both the feminine and masculine energy within us to fully comprehend the lessons that come our way. To fully understand the yin and yang of life. To fully appreciate and get the battle is only won when the deed is done. We need to embrace all of us, feminine and masculine, masculine and feminine, to understand the concept that the battle is only won when the deed is done.

And then I exhaled understanding I am male and female, masculine and feminine, yin and yang. And I have to embrace all of me. To become the whole I am meant to be.

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