Yesterday was my 20th wedding anniversary! I know. I can’t believe it either. Where has the time gone since the day my husband and I walked down the aisle with starry eyes, plans for our future? Envisioning a life much different to the one we are living.
We married thinking we would have no children. Be free to do as we pleased. Live fairly self indulgent lives. Not answering to anyone but ourselves. But life has taken us on a different path by allowing us to become parents.
As we look back over our history – a rich and varied history that has taken us to places we thought we would never go both physically and mentally. Causing us to explore who we are. Forcing us to confront our Inner Child issues. Sometimes pretty ugly and daunting. Other times beautiful causing us to fly high as individuals and as a couple. Loving each other as if there was no tomorrow.
When we gave each other our cards we wrote just about the same thing to each other. We are proud of what we have built together. Kept going together. Even during those times when we felt like we could endure no more. When the light never seemed to shine. We kept going. Kept believing. Seeing what we have. Looking at our children. Understanding the looks we exchange without having to say a word. Always knowing without the other we could not be where we are today.
We went out to a family dinner – the four of us celebrating the life we have built as a couple first and now as a family. Each one of us brining something slightly different to the family dynamic. The pride in our faces as we sat at the dinner table enjoying our family and our history. Sharing an intimacy that no one outside of our family unit could ever understand or be a part of because it is something we have built together.
Looking at my husband, I felt a deep and strong love knowing he is the man that I walked down the aisle with 20 years before. Now he is the father of our children. The man who can fix anything. Do anything. One who I can rely on. Never worried that he will do anything to hurt me or our family. Knowing he is a man of his word. Not perfect. But neither am I. Understanding we are as perfect as imperfect human beings can be. Loving each other. Hating each other. Angry with each other. Tolerating each other. Sometimes happy. Other times not. But deep down inside feeling this love that binds us. Keeps us together.
Feelings changing day by day but at the core of it all, a love that has matured beyond just the physical to a love that is enduring, trusting, destined, and strong. Continuing our lives. Building those of our children. Surrounded by the spirit of love.
Ending the evening together with our daughter saying, Smooch. Both our children standing expectantly. Waiting for us, their parents, to smooch. The light that came into their eyes when we did was the best anniversary present anyone could ask for. Priceless. Precious. Then we all did a family hug. My husband and I with our son nearly as tall as we are now and our daughter squashed in the middle – exactly where she loves to be. Telling each other we love each other.
Now that’s what 20 years is supposed to feel like – love renewed and felt between us as a couple and as a family. May the next 20 be as loving and rewarding.
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