Today is one of those beautiful days where I started the morning off by just lying in bed with my daughter cuddled up in my arms. Feeling her little heart beating against mine. Her warm body snuggled into mine. My husband snoring beside me. The light streaming through the windows. The birds chirping outside. And despite all the things I have to do today, I lay there and inhaled all that I have to be grateful for. I looked at the clock and started to panic. But the closeness of my family was too wonderful and comforting for me to want to move. To break the magic of that moment.
I looked at the clock and another half hour had gone by. My mind still racing but my heart telling me to stay. Savour the moment. Be in the moment. Because tomorrow I will be flying out again for work. Leaving my family again. So I wanted to savour the time I have with them. Enjoy the minutes of pushing the stress and worries to the back of my mind. Letting it all go. Surrendering.
Then they both awoke at the same time. My daughter talking as soon as she opened her eyes. Excited about the birthday party and sleepover she was going to later in the day. My guilt of leaving them eased a bit as I realised she was content enough to go to her friend’s house and not worry about me leaving again.
I will miss her little Brownie Parade tomorrow as I will be flying. Of course I feel guilty about that. But I did go to her little dance show on Friday afternoon. Sometimes we won’t be there for them all the time but most of the time I am there for them. I remind myself of that when everyone starts moving around the house. Each one of us doing what we have to do.
My son tells me he wishes I wouldn’t leave them so much. Guilt comes back again. I swallow it. And tell him this is where my life is taking me at the moment and that I am always with them even if not physically. Love covers all distances, time and space. Close his eyes and he will feel my love always.
As I am typing I am looking at the sun moving in and out of the clouds. Light coming in and out. Wild chickens running through the yard . Trees blowing in the breeze. Reminding me that nothing lasts forever. Except love. This trip will come and go and I will be home before I know it. My family back together. Settling back into our routines. Forgetting about my trip. And moving on to the next thing.
I am grateful for taking this moment to remind myself of savouring the moment. Being in the moment. And letting all else go.
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