Yesterday was a very strange day for my daughter and me. It started out with lots of drama because she did not want to do cross country and her school had planned for all the Upper Primaries to take part in an Inter-House cross country competition.
She had made up her mind that she hated cross country and didn’t see why she had to do it so she spent the morning crying and pouting and generally being miserable about the whole thing. She couldn’t understand why some people didn’t have to do it but she did. She didn’t want my husband and me to come and watch because she wanted to keep feeling sorry for herself and she didn’t think she would do well.
Then yesterday afternoon, I left work a little early because she had signed herself up to do an audition for the Bermuda Youth’s Got Talent show. She had signed up to do a dance with her cousin who decided this week that she did not want to do the show because she does not like being on stage. My daughter was very disappointed at first but then decided she still wanted to do the audition so she redid her dance for herself. She practised over the three days with such determination that she made me proud.
So when my husband dropped her off to me to go to the audition, I was wondering how she would be after having been “forced” to do the cross country. Well it turns out she came fifth overall in the cross country in a field of about 40 girls! So she actually did incredibly well. When I asked her how she did it, she said, “I think I do much better when I have an audience because then I get nervous and I get an extra push to do better and that’s what happened for the race. I don’t usually do well in gym when I do cross country but I do better when it’s a competition.”
She was feeling pretty proud of herself. Then when we got her dressed for the audition and she looked like the Princess she was portraying in her dance, once again I saw a transformation in her. She looked so determined and so ready to do her thing on her own. We talked as we walked in for the audition and she said she really loves being on stage. But when they asked if she was ready, she nervously said no and grabbed my hand. Her whole face looking terrified. Then I told her to remember what she had said about being on stage. The light came back into her face as she repeated, “I do like being on stage mommy.” And with that her confidence came back.
As she walked to the stage, she grabbed my hand and asked me to come with her to the stage but not to stand where she could see me. I stood to the side so I could not see her but I watched the audience to gauge their reaction as my little eight year old danced by herself on the big stage to a dance she had choreographed all on her own and practised for only three days. I saw them enjoying her dance. My heart was racing. My palms were sweaty because I was nervous and proud at the same time.
When she finished everyone clapped. She ran off the stage and she grabbed my hand. Once again my fragile little girl. I could feel her whole body shaking and her little palms just as sweaty as mine. To say I had gone from a parent who was angry with my little girl in the morning to one in the afternoon whose heart was bursting with pride at her bravery and determination to do what she wanted to do regardless of whether anyone else did is an understatement.
Even if she does not get into the final cut for the show, I will always remember how she transformed herself from that broken little girl in the morning to the determined and regal girl in the afternoon simply because she believed in herself and adjusted her attitude accordingly. A lesson I will take out of her book and apply to my own.
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