This weekend was a roller coaster ride of emotions for me.
Friday was one of those beautiful days where everything fell into place. When I felt like the Divine was working with me or should I say I was working with the Divine. Staying in the moment the whole time. Enjoying volunteering in the community. Working alongside new people. Giving back. Being outside all day. Not confined to an office. Having breathing space.
Friday was one of those beautiful days where everything fell into place. When I felt like the Divine was working with me or should I say I was working with the Divine. Staying in the moment the whole time. Enjoying volunteering in the community. Working alongside new people. Giving back. Being outside all day. Not confined to an office. Having breathing space.
Hearing from friends near and far opening up to me about their life experiences. My expression of gratitude giving them the strength to speak from their hearts about their lives. Their challenges. Their quest to find meaning. All on the day of the largest moon of the year.
But then I was tested yesterday. The day started out with my household on edge because my son had failed to do his homework. Sunday is supposed to be our family day where there is no technology and we are meant to be together. It turned into a day instead of bickering, anger, disappointment and tension.
It was only at the end of the day that I realised I was being tested. That I had to be the one to end the tension. To simmer the feelings of unrest. To bring us all back together because each one of us was wounded from the fight for control that had ensued. Each of us was smarting from the desire to be validated and respected. To be heard. So as my daughter went to bed last night, I gave her an extra hug. As my son went to bed last night, he apologised for causing the day to go off kilter and I forgave him. And he forgave me. We hugged each other that much longer. I apologised to my husband for saying some things to him I didn’t need to say.
And I knew I had the capacity in my heart and psyche to do so because I knew deep down I was being tested about how deep my well for gratitude really is. I also understood that it was a part of the beautiful full moon that was so close to us that was stirring up lots of emotions for us all. Bringing us face to face with our shadow selves. Forcing us to experience angst, inner turmoil and question where we are going with our lives. But to see the gift in the moon to see how its beauty had entranced me at first to taking me to the depths of despair all in one weekend was exhausting, exhilarating and exciting at the same time.
For the light of the moon and the shadow of the moon mirroring me I am truly grateful. Filling me with hope and promise. Letting me know I am part of a much larger Universe. Of an infinite Universe with no beginning and no end. And I cannot try to comprehend it all but rather live it for what it is.
Remembering standing down at the bottom of the moon as my son said it looked like a perfect marble but it’s millions of times larger, I felt a connection to the vastness of the Universe that exists all around me. Feeling chills knowing it was here before me and will be here after me as well. Humbling me to accept I am a part of it and not separate from it.
Letting me know if I work on myself and improve myself and go out into the world as a giving and compassionate being I will help people along the way to find their light as well. To know I am not here to solve life’s great mysteries for everyone as I am a part of that mystery myself. But to know I am here to learn as much as I can. Teach as much as I can. Accept as much as I can. Express gratitude as much as I can. Love as much as I can. Forgive as much as I can. And to live my life as best I can. My life. Not anyone’s life. Not even my children’s. To know I am sometimes the teacher and sometimes the student. To know I am love, pure love.
To know we are all one. Interconnected in more ways than we can imagine. By expressing gratitude I was able to feel the gratitude of many near and far who needed an outlet for some of what they are experiencing. And for this experience of bringing light to those who may doubt they have it, a place for them to hear their voice again, I am truly grateful and inspired. Because it was their light that helped me to find my own again after a very challenging end to my weekend. And for this lesson I am truly grateful.
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