Why are we attracted to the negative?

I have been grappling with a way to tackle how we are more prone to accept and expect negativity than we are positivity. Why are our brains wired to connect to negative comments, people and places and events rather than the positive ones?

Is it because in our heart of hearts we don’t believe we deserve happiness or the best? Is it because we are wired to believe that the glass truly is half empty than it is half full.

Why is it that most of us take glee in gossiping about others?  Finding fault with others? Is it because then it deflects the attention away from our own shortcomings?

I have been trying to understand why sometimes I can fall prey to the one negative comment that has been said about me rather than the multitude of positive comments that have been made. I have spent the last couple of weeks trying to write and rewrite this blog but each time it came across as painting myself as a victim which I don’t like to do. In my whole life regardless of what has happened to me I have never looked at myself as a victim. I have always known that things happen for a reason and that in the end I will discover an invaluable lesson from whatever experience I have been through.

But yet I still get hurt when someone says something about me that is contrary to the way I am or want to be. Why is that? Is it because there is a shadow self within me that takes those comments on. That feels like the negative comment is valid because there is a part of me that really is that way? Is that the case for us all?

Is there some kind of warped balance thing that we are always trying to attain? That on the flip side of good there is evil. On the flip side of happiness there is sadness. On the flip side of abundance there is scarcity. Are we always striving to be somewhere in the middle because deep down inside we feel too much of a good thing is a bad thing?

I have been researching why our brains work the way they do but found no concrete answer. However I now strongly feel the reason I am susceptible to these feelings is because I am human. We are human. We are always looking for and seeking approval even when we say we aren’t. Even the most successful and confident people are looking for validation because we are all vulnerable. Vulnerability allows doubts to creep in. Opens the door for that shadow self to waltz on through. Vulnerability is the reason why we are attracted to the negative because we all know that there by the grace of God go I.  We all know that life can change in an instant and we could be wallowing in the pain of our counterparts.

But what we also need to do is live in the moment. Accept the good for what it is. Don’t live too much in the dark holding on to negativity because we will never see the good in anything. And there is just as much good in life as there is bad. Our roles in life are constantly changing according to where we are. Sometimes we will be on top. Sometimes not. Sometimes in the light. Sometimes not. Sometimes in favour. Other times not.

The reason why we are constantly shown the reverse is to teach us compassion. And that’s why we are attracted to the negative because opposites attract. But it is up to us to find the balance.  And to remember always as a Zen proverb says, “The reverse side also has a reverse side.”