Yesterday morning was one of those mornings where I felt like I had the world on my shoulders. I woke up in a bad mood. Thoughts bombarding every space in my brain. And I felt anxious for reasons unknown.
So when my children started bickering and would not stop, I snapped. And overreacted in such a way that the whole atmosphere in my house changed with everyone becoming angry with each other. And then I said some things that I am not proud of saying. And my whole body oozed with anger.
As I was driving my children to school I was still seething. The children were as silent as mice and the atmosphere was tense. Chilly to say the least. And then out of the blue my son said, “I’m sorry mommy for causing everyone to be angry.”
And then my heart felt like it was going to break. My whole body shook and I felt a well of emotions bubbling to the surface. Tears stinging my eyes as I said, “Thank you. And I am sorry as well. I should not have said and done some of the things I did this morning either and I’m not proud of myself. But I want you to understand, though I am your mother, I am human and I am not perfect. So sometimes I make mistakes and this morning was one of those times. It’s no excuse for my actions but I am human. And I'm sorry for how I was."
“I understand," he said.
Then when he got out of the car, he took an extra moment to look me in the eyes and said, “I love you mommy.” Because he wanted me to know he had forgiven me and he wanted to see if I had forgiven him.
My heart almost stopped because my son doesn’t like to waste time getting out of the car in the mornings because he doesn’t want to look like a nerd in front of his friends but yesterday morning he didn’t care what they thought, he just wanted to make sure we were okay. And I was truly touched by his gesture.
I looked him back in his eyes and said, “Thank you and I love you too.”
I drove away with a lump in my throat and a huge lesson learned. My son had shown me the power of forgiveness by his simple and honest gesture. He broke the ice and showed me just how powerful forgiveness is and how easily it shifts the anger, despair and frustration into feelings of love, wellness and gratitude.
And to my son, my teacher, I am truly grateful.
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