Nothing but love

Last evening I was feeling so full of love that everywhere I looked I saw and felt love. Until I almost sabotaged it.

My children had gone off for the afternoon leaving my husband and me alone to have some quality time together. Every couple with children needs some alone time together. Time to reconnect. Relax with each other. Plan. And just be in each other’s presence. Appreciating each other for what each brings to the marriage.

We sat out on our porch talking about life. About some of the challenges we are facing as a couple. As parents. Trying to navigate our way through the haze that sometimes confronts us. But it was without tension or upset this time because we both came into the discussion from a place of love. Neither one of us trying to prove anything to the other or ourselves. Just discussing and being.

Against the backdrop of trees bursting with summer. Cherry trees full of cherries – more cherries than I have seen since we moved into our house 6 years ago. In places I didn’t even know there were cherry trees. Greenery everywhere. Low humidity and a gentle breeze. Clear skies and quiet. Peace. The first day of June without any rain. Celebrating our union. Our togetherness.  Our love. Accepting it comes in waves. Sometimes good. Other times not. But love all the same if we ride the waves. On the crest of a good one yesterday.

Appreciating all the work my husband has done to bring our home to the standard it is today from where it was when we bought it. Appreciating taking the time to sit. Not feeling the need to run around. Putting aside some of our responsibilities so we could take the time to chat and look at each other, really look at each other,  without the interference of children and their demands or the outside world and its demands.

We sat drinking a glass of wine. Eating some nibbles. Basking in the sunshine. The comfort of our home. Just the two of us. And it was heaven sent from above.  Just what we needed on a lazy Sunday afternoon.

And then poof. In an instant I almost sabotaged our beautiful Sunday together when the children came home. The house became noisier. Lunch boxes had to be prepared for school. Gym bags packed. Preparations for the next day taking precedence over the moment my husband and I had shared. I felt the weight of my responsibility to my family start to creep back in. Pulling me into the darkness. As I began to project into tomorrow rather than remaining in the moment.

Anxiety came rushing in. Happy for the opening I gave it. Anger started to creep in. Quickly and delighting in its ability to replace my joy. Snapping out of it only when my son said, “Mommy why are you so mad at me?”

Realising I was not mad at him or my husband but I was mad because I had allowed myself to retreat to the dark side embracing all that is dark rather than appreciating all the love I had shared that day and the love that was surrounding me at that moment. I looked into my son’s eyes and my husband’s who stood waiting for my answer and I felt the weight of my sorrow seep out of me. Allowing the light and love back in. I inhaled it deeply letting go of tomorrow. Letting go of the fretting. Telling my son I was not angry with him. Telling him I love him. And feeling it.

I woke up this morning still feeling that love. Lying in bed reminiscing about yesterday. Whispering positive affirmations to myself as I got out of bed feeling like love. Like pink. Telling myself  I will try to carry that love with me as I leave my husband and my children to go to work. Feeling that love surrounding me taking me to a place of peace, serenity and contentment. Basking me in the colour pink enabling me to project love to whomever comes into my space. Treasuring the love I felt for my husband on a lazy Sunday afternoon. Feeling gratitude about the love of my family last night. Waking up with it this morning.

Remembering that love feeling when I feel the Monday morning blues try to creep in. Remembering there is nothing but love. So why not embrace it? Surrender to it. Love love.