This week has been an odd one for me. One full of surprises and different paths. Starting out with no Internet and looking like a solution today will be a stretch as well.
People I have not seen nor heard from in a while have popped back into my life. Invitations coming from the strangest places and from unexpected people.
My writing choppy because I am writing on a blackberry therefore I can't see what I am writing and the feel is different on my fingers. Sending different vibrations through my body. Releasing endorphins dissimilar to the ones that normally set me on a writing journey where I have no control over where I will end up. The last few days my writing coming from a place of desperation to prove I can still do it because I feel like something or someone is conspiring against me by cutting of my Internet.
Some of my responses to people have not been the same. Not coming from a place of peace for me but rather a place of defensiveness. Not developed but reactionary. Forcing me to think about my week and why I am being set on a completely different path to the one I thought I would be on. Realising with certainty that I am experiencing a different level of growth. A different perspective on life so I can see things objectively and from a place I do not feel comfortable.
I realised this week I have been forced out of all that is familiar to me so that I can see the everyday opportunities that are right in front of my face every single day but because I have been on a familiar path I have overlooked them. Dismissed them even believing they are not important to my development. Not instrumental in getting me to where I would like to be. Believing they can't be because they are ordinary not extraordinary. Understanding it is the ordinary often that leads to the extraordinary. Recognising that all too often, we are so focussed on the end result we overlook the ordinary treasures that can unlock so much of what we need in our lives.
And what I am learning is that I am indeed very resourceful. Very tenacious and not afraid to fall on my face every once in a while and therefore I have to open myself to paths that are unfamiliar. To not be afraid when that path leads me where I did not expect to go. To let go of expectation. And to just do it because I will never know unless I try. I will never discover what feels right for me if I am unwilling to try on something I had dismissed before giving it a chance.
I am also learning that sometimes it takes time to understand our new direction. That we falter when we become impatient and veer of the path just when the tangled woods begin to clear. Just when the end is coming into view because we get tired of fighting the tangles.
This whole Internet debacle has been sent to me for a reason and has lasted for nearly a week for a reason. And it is to let me know that just because I can't access my everyday routines doesn't mean I can't start new routines. That I can't find solutions and alternatives to the problems I am having. That all I need to do is ask for guidance then surrender so I can hear and feel what needs to come next. And this morning when I woke up with thousands of thoughts bombarding my mind. Fear threatening to overpower me. Ego nearly winning. I decided to just surrender. To look out the window at the dark morning sky.
And there before me was an ordinary gift to behold. The dark morning sky was filled with an abundance of stars twinkling. Magic in the ordinary producing an extraordinary feeling for me. Filling me to the brim with abundance, possibility and love. Knowing I am a part of a universe that provides such splendour even in our darkest hour. Breathing in the abundance and bliss ever present in my life. Allowing the gratitude to spread throughout my being and allowing it to flow back out into the Universe to allow another to feel its flow. Exhaling as a smile erupted from a place deep within me.
Knowing and accepting I am definitely experiencing a turning point in my life and it is up to me to decide which way I am going to go - the road less travelled or the one travelled too often. Whichever I choose, the choice is mine and mine alone. And for this lesson I am truly grateful. Amen.
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