In the darkness of a power cut

Yesterday when I got home from work, I told myself to have an early night. As a matter of fact I had promised myself I would have an early night. But once I got the children settled and sat down to work on my computer, it was about 10 pm and I needed some me time. Time to unwind. Time to figure out what was going on with my friends on Facebook, around the world and in general to catch up with all the things I had not done during the day.

My body was telling me it was very tired. My brain was working in overdrive to keep up with all the thoughts that were whizzing through it. But I resisted the signs. Ignored them completely because one thing was leading me to another. I kept saying only 5 more minutes and when that 5 minutes elapsed, I would tell myself just another 5 more minutes.

My body was begging me to stop. To go to bed. To rest. To allow it time to rejuvenate. But I still could not resist looking at one more site or writing one more thing. Until as I was typing at about 11.05, everything around me just went black. My computer screen made that horrible sound it makes before it crashes. And then to my horror crashed right in the middle of my writing. The lights in the house went out. And I found myself sitting in absolute darkness. A blackout.

The storm had already passed us by earlier in the day so the power cut was completely unexpected from a logical perspective but from a spiritual perspective, I knew it was completely to be expected because I had been interfering with my inner peace. My inner quiet. The need for my body to rest and revive itself.

I didn’t panic. As a matter of fact I did nothing but sit there until a knowing smile crept across my face. I sat in that darkness knowing the Universe was sending me a direct message to just stop. It took away all the distractions that were keeping me from resting and shut everything down for me. Knowing I was incapable of doing it myself, the Universe took the decision away from me. I inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly. Accepting the darkness and stillness I found myself in. Accepting the message to stop and so I did. Appreciating that moment of silence. Of nothingness but everything.

My husband came walking through with a lighter. I asked him to light the candle I always have on my desk. Not for light but for meditative purposes. He lit my candle and I switched for a bit to my tablet to look at family photographs. To just wind myself down some more. And then I decided to just go to bed with only my candle as a means of seeing anything in my otherwise darkened home.

I felt slightly cheated because I was unable to do write in my grateful journal. My 50 year old eyes are not capable of seeing anything written in the low light of a candle. But I accepted I had put myself in this position because I had not listened to every atom in my body telling me, asking me to go to bed early. To relax early. So I did my grateful journal in my mind then wrote in my little one liner of the day book that I was grateful for the power cut because it made me stop. It also made me recognise just how much we take the things we cannot see and appreciate such as electricity for granted. How we expect it to be there every single second of the day and when it is not we realise just how much it powers our lives.

And once I wrote that down, I blew out my meditative candle and went to sleep waking only when I heard the whirring sound of the electricity coming back on in the wee hours of the morning. I got out of bed and turned all the lights out with gratitude and peace then went back to bed appreciating all that I can do with the power of electricity and even without it.

Knowing when my body is telling me to rest I need to rest and not resist, I must take heed before the choice is taken away from me. Feeling very content, I fell into a deep sleep. Grateful for receiving the gift of the Universe to stop in the complete darkness of a power cut. Namaste.

Read More

Grateful for being spared the wrath of Tropical Storm Gabrielle

9-11. This day always conjures up memories of such bad karma and energy. Conjures up images and feeling of fear, anger, retaliation and despair.

So yesterday when I heard Tropical Storm Gabrielle’s closet point of approach was going to be at 1 in the morning of 9-11, I felt nervous. Worried that we could be facing some dark force. Such that when I left the office to pick up my daughter, the light outside as well as the air outside felt very oppressive. Ominous. Light but not quite light. Dark but not quite dark. A feeling of orange, red and yellow duelling to see which colour would be the most present. And of course all the colours felt overshadowed by the blackness of the clouds. The darkness of the sky. A feeling of everything being too close that the air needed to clash in order to break up. I felt the Tropical Storm Gabrielle was really coming to us for a reason.

Then when I got my daughter from her class, as soon as she walked out and took my hand she looked at the sky and said the air looks strange. The light does not feel right. Branches were snapping off the trees and were being blown across the streets. There was an eerie silence in the midst of the strange light. Anticipation. Apprehension. Anxiety.

As we were driving home she commented again about the strange light. She repeated out loud what I was thinking inside. It was neither dark nor light but something in between. We agreed that the air felt like it wanted to break. That it needed to break. By the time we got home the wind was howling. The roads were full of scattered debris. She even had to get out of the car to move a branch that was blocking the road to our home.

A feeling of what was about to happen permeating my whole body. It was our first brush with a storm for the hurricane season. Not even a week after one of our worst storms on record – Hurricane Fabian some 10 years before. And we were getting our first taste and reminder of how powerful Mother Nature can really be.

My husband on the other hand was not worried. He did not have the headache he normally gets when there is a true weather system with deep lows coming near to us. He also felt the winds were not that bad. He didn’t think we needed to panic. All he did was move the car so it would not be damaged by torpedo avocadoes being blown off the trees in the wind. Other than that he was calm.

After tucking our children in, I read with interest all the blogs, Facebook and twitter comments about the pending storm. Schools shut before the wrath of Tropical Storm Gabrielle was even known. The anxiety barometer rising. Our children’s school deciding not to make a decision until this morning. Calling my sister who has just returned home when I read her post about the haunting sound of the wind. Her statement resonating with me as I always feel the same way when there is that humming of the wind. Almost like something more is breathing and living beside us. I wanted to make sure she was not alone. Relieved to know my brother was there with her.

And then I went to bed. Trying to get to sleep before the winds picked up as the storm came closer to us. Howling winds and pouring rain always unnerve me. Awake me out of my deepest sleep so I like to get ahead of them when I can just so I can get some rest. Waking up at 1.24 this morning listening for the storm’s apex as this was supposed to be within the closet point of the storm, surprised to hear the wind had not changed much from when I went to bed at 11.30 the night before. Feeling somewhat comforted and grateful at the same time, I took advantage of the not so bad wind and rain and went back to bed. Falling into a deep sleep.

Waking up this morning at 4.54 to virtual silence compared to the night before. Feeling relief flooding through me. We had been spared the wrath of the storm. It had come and gone I knew but not to the extent predicted. Not to the extent feared. Realising it is 9-11 and how fortunate we are to have that storm behind us. The air silent. The winds dissipated. Thinking of how fortunate I am to have woken up this morning when others 11 years ago were about to face the worst form of destruction by mankind – terrorism.

Feeing so grateful for the storm passing us by without much damage and destruction. And realising the date does not have to be negative. Does not have to bring destruction. Just reverence and a moment of silence.

Remembering the posts posted last night that said ‘the shark oil was clhur’ and because the storm was called Gabrielle, we would be okay because the Ark Angel Gabriel would be looking out over us. And accepting when we go back to our natural instincts and native ways of being, we always know when we are being confronted with something that can harm us or not.

Grateful to be here and in tact with little to no damage but fully understanding the power of Mother Nature and our native customs and remedies, ‘the shark oil was clhur’ and my husband had no headache. Indicating there was no way we would get the worst of the storm.

Looking out my window this morning and seeing the stars twinkling behind the fast moving clouds. Filling me with great reassurance that this 9-11 was going to be okay. No problems at all. And for being spared the wrath of the storm, I am truly grateful. Remembering in silence those who lost their lives at the World Trade Center with reverence and grace. Namaste.

Read More

First day of school

We made it through our first day back at school routine. And I am proud to say we were right on time. The first day of school is always full of apprehension, anxiety and some excitement. My daughter was looking forward to seeing her friends. My son okay about going back to school.

Waking up again at 5am to make sure I get to do all the things I need to do to start my day before everyone gets up. Forgetting that and still going to bed too late. Feeling it in the morning when I only get 5 hours or less of sleep. My children still trying to find their rhythm with going to bed at an appropriate time.

My son entering his first year of high school. Looking at him and seeing how much he has grown. Thinking back to the day when I first took him to preschool at the age of 3 and wondering where 11 years has gone since that day I held his little hand and let him go. To start his school life. Worried that he would think I was deserting him. Yesterday watching him just get out of the car without a kiss but still telling me he loves me. Seeing how tall he is. How deep his voice is. How much more of a man he has become over the summer. Realising how our eye does not see our children growing in front of us because we still think of them as the babies they were when they first came to us.

Dropping my daughter off next. Almost driving past her new drop off point. Forgetting she is entering her last year of primary school. Realising she is now the big girl in her part of the school. Thinking about how she has grown too over the summer. Waiting for her to gather all of her bags for all of the activities she has to do. Watching her looking so grown up in her uniform. Grateful for the kiss she blows me and her wave goodbye. Our eyes meeting and locking in that instant. A special mother-daughter exchange happening without words. An understanding shared before she turned and walked away.

As I was driving away, I thought about how quickly our children change. How quickly they grow away from us even though they will always be connected to us in spirit and in kind but each day they are becoming more and more independent. Realising how true the statement by Khalil Gibran is that we are vessels through which our children come. We only have them for a borrowed amount of time because their lives are their own to live. We are only here to guide them not direct them. To give them the wings to fly and become who they are meant to become.

Driving away knowing I must enjoy every moment I can with them while I have them. Support them in their dreams as much as I feasibly can. Encourage them to be themselves so they want to be in my space for as long as possible. Rather than trying to get away from me because I am trying to force them to be what they cannot be.

Getting to work thinking how wonderful it is to be a mother. To be a part of another life on this planet. To be important in laying the foundation and groundwork for my children so they can go out in the world as giving and compassionate global citizens. I hope and pray I am able to give my children the gift of self and love so they will have the tools to be givers in this world rather than takers.

And for the blessing and gift of motherhood, I am truly grateful and for the first day of school going almost like clockwork I am truly grateful. Back to routines again. Back to school. Onwards and upwards. The joys of motherhood. Endings and beginnings. End of summer vacation. Beginning of the school year. My daughter entering her last year of primary. My son beginning his first year of high school. Both beginning the new school year. My heart filling with pride, joy and love. Namaste.

Read More

Taking the least expected path

Life sometimes takes us down paths we never expected

Brings us face to face with an obstacle we never anticipated

Asks us to examine where we want to go from here

Often in response to whispers we have been subconsciously asking the Universe

Those deep rooted and seated questions we need answers to

The ones that are buried so deep

We believe no one will hear what we are asking

That no one will know our real truths

Until those truths become too immense to contain

Even for our subconscious

Even for our conscious

Until they erupt and explode

Exposing us to the world

Exposing our deepest truths to ourselves through the lens of the world

And because we thought that truth was ours alone

We wonder how it got out

How it exposed us

We feel betrayed, ashamed, afraid, angry

A myriad of emotions

A feeling of nakedness

Of exposure to the eyes of the world

Staring back at us

Unblinking

Accusing

We fear the world will turn away from us

Make life difficult for us

We fear we will turn away from ourselves

Making life difficult for ourselves

We fear so much

That we stop

We surrender

Not in the good surrender

But in the ego based surrender

Because we can no longer take the heat

We can no longer explain

We can no longer hide for what we have asked for all along

It is during these times of our deepest darkest moments

That we are being asked to examine our deep rooted truths

To listen to what we have been asking for

Because it can no longer be contained

We can no longer be contained

We are being asked to decide what we want from here

Where we go from here

Do we go backwards to the place of discontent

Or do we face our ultimate question of what it is we want from life

And reach for it

Even in the midst of the world clamouring against us

When we are exposed

It is because we are meant to be exposed

And we are meant to become what it is we asked to become

We are given the opportunity in sometimes the most lonely way possible

To move forward

To be an instrument of change

To be the miracle we were sent here to be

It takes a very strong person to embrace

This path of the unknown

But when it is shown and taken

With truth, integrity and compassion

The path of the unknown leads us to the path of the known

And we discover once we come out of the overgrown

That we are free

Liberated to be who we asked to be

And that’s why we sometimes find ourselves on a path we never expected

Travelling down a road we never anticipated

Realising it was always our path

Our road to the place we are meant to be

With truth and grace and surrender

Namaste

Read More

Some days

Some days I don’t know where to begin or what to write about

Other days the words come tumbling out of my head and spill onto the screen

Some days I feel like a fraud

Like I am not a writer at all but just a woman hiding behind a façade

Some days I feel like I can do anything, be anything

Other days I want to hide from myself and the world

Some days I understand why I am here and what I am meant to do

Other days I don’t know who I am and what I want

Some days I confront myself head on

Other days I don’t know what confrontation is

Some days I feel on top of the world

Other days I feel like the world is on top of me

Some days I feel like a good wife and lover

Other days I wonder why I got married and question what love is

Some days I love my children to death – like they can do no wrong

Other days I wonder where they came from and what they came here to teach me

Some days I love what I do

Other days I think there has to be more to life than this

Some days I sit and wonder

Other days I get up and do

Some days I understand I am no different from any other person

When I am honest with myself

I know that some days will be stellar

And other days will not

That what I must do on those days when I can accomplish

Is to accomplish and do

And not worry about the days when I could not and did not

To remember just like I am not always the same

Neither is life

And on those days when I don’t want to get up and do

That’s when I need to do so even more

Because it is on those days that I learn the most

About who I am and who I am not

It is on those days when I want to bury my head in the sand

That the sand is asking me to understand the whys of life

And to keep going and discovering

Until my writing flows

My mind blows

My confidence expands

And my joy abounds

Because it is on those grey days when life becomes crystal clear

There are no two days alike

Just a journey meant to be enjoyed

A life to be lived

And a destination that is never reached until the end

So just enjoy it as much as I can

That’s when the smile comes

The gratitude returns

And the sun comes back out

Filling the grey day with light

The light of my journey

Filling my spirit with love

Such that I can go out into the world

Filled with love, light and compassion

Knowing some days I will be up

And other days I will be down

And that's okay

And for this message I am truly grateful

Namaste

Read More

We must be honest about who we are first

Honesty is one of the most liberating gifts we can ever give to ourselves because when are honest, we realise how easy it is to live. How easy it is to go to sleep at night and wake up in the morning without worrying about what we did the moment before. Honesty allows us to walk through life with little to no concern about what people will do or say but sometimes we confuse honesty with blurting out statements that are based on our own egotistical insecurities and not based on our inner truths.

When we are confronted with a situation that causes us to reflect on ourselves, we are being given an opportunity to heal but if we use that opportunity to point our finger at someone else for where  we find ourselves, we will find that eventually that finger pointing and accusation will come back to haunt us. We will find that we become more like the little boy who cried wolf. Eventually people will stop listening to us and instead will begin to see the cracks in the blame story we are carrying around with us. Eventually they will see that the story we are fabricating is actually a story about ourselves rather than a story about anyone else. Particularly the person we are trying to blame.

We need to remember that honesty must come from a place where we truly know its intent is pure not one to disguise the truth. Accuse or alienate. Just by telling someone how we feel about a situation does not mean that everything will go back to how it was. Sometimes it means the other person gets to understand more about who we are and then they can decide if they want to be in our space or not. Because sometimes our truth is not their truth. Sometimes our truth has more to do with the story we are telling ourselves than what we believe is actually the story about the other person.

When people start walking out of our lives or if we discover that we are facing the same issues and same types of people over and over again, we have to start examining ourselves to see what it is about our energy that is attracting these same people and events. Because those people who can help us the most will start to walk away from us and not even look back because they will sense our impure energy. They will sense no matter what they say about us, we will never be able to see it because we are so driven by ego that the truth about who we are and what we are projecting can never be seen by us.

Who we are, honestly are, is reflected in the energy we project. Not the words we speak. Not the way we look but rather in the essence of our very existence. People can feel who we are before we even speak. People are attracted to us by what they sense about us way before they even hear us say a word. So it is important for us to be honest about who we are before we can even attempt to be honest about anyone else or anything else. And that is why honesty begins with us and extends out beyond when we know who we are. And when we embrace who we are, honesty becomes the greatest gift we can ever give to ourselves. Honestly.

Read More

Enjoying playing tourist with my children

Sometimes when we are overwhelmed it is better just to stop and to take stock. Go out where we are to see what we have. To be appreciative of all that is around as I did with my children yesterday afternoon. We took the day off and acted like tourists. Exploring our beautiful Island home and taking advantage of the sights people pay to come to see but is freely available to us in our own back yard.

We ventured down to the Grotto Bay in search of the giant water slide only to discover to my daughter’s disappointment that the slide no longer exists. Gone and no one could tell us why or when. She was devastated but we decided to enjoy the beautiful setting we were in and just have lunch.

After lunch we thought what the heck we might as well go to the beach and relax. Why waste the opportunity when it was ours for the taking. The wonderful beach attendant set us up with chairs, towels, umbrellas. Treating us like royalty. We felt truly special and privileged. As we were lounging we saw people going to the Watersports Centre then come back out with kayaks and paddle boards.

My children asked if they could rent one so they could explore. Of course my nerves kicked in at first about them going out on their own on a kayak but then I had to talk to myself. Remind myself that both of them are better swimmers than I am. Both are like fish in the water and love the water. And if I am trying to teach them independence I had to let them go.

They were so excited to be treated like grownups and took to their new responsibility with glee. I watched as my son, big brother, put his sister in the kayak making sure she was secure and then they were off. Paddling across the bay together. Stopped from time to time exploring some more and then moving again. I watched them thinking what a wonderful way for them to spend the afternoon. No computers. No TVs. No technology but just out amongst the azure seas beneath a canopy of romantic clouds scattered across the sky. Airplanes flying overhead. People swimming.

A wonderful and content silence filling me as nature embraced my energy. Bringing me back to what we are all about. Bringing me back to the fact that we are one. Of nature. Of the turquoise water reflecting back at me. Shimmering under the spectacular sun. Reminding me we are one.

And my restlessness settled. My anxiety gave way to not feeling guilty about sitting on the beach enjoying the fresh ocean air and its gently breeze. I was so caught up in the moment that I decided to cast aside my not interfering with the water policy and went in to join my children. To say they were shocked is an understatement. They kept looking around to see if a storm was coming because I was in the water. We laughed and played together. The two of them happy, we were enjoying the water together.

And then I dared to indulge myself more by diving under the water. My daughter screaming mommy got her hair wet to her brother. Both of them exchanging looks of shock. Looking at me like I had two heads! Me feeling like a million dollars because I had pushed my inhibitions to the side. My desire for perfection long gone as I swam around with my children. Not caring what my hair looked like or what I looked like. Sinking beneath the water several times as the water soothed my skin. My mind. My body and my soul.

Lying back in the water, listening to the silence of the day and inhaling the salty scent of the ocean as the salty water brushed my lips. Feeling so grateful for just letting go and being in the moment with my children on a tourist day in Bermuda. What an absolute treat. 

Read More

Ramblings of my restless mind

I am feeling restless at the moment. Routines are off. Can’t seem to find my natural rhythm. Writing is eluding me. Creativity is evading me. All I want to do is rest. Do nothing. But when I do nothing, I feel guilty for doing nothing so my restlessness intensifies.

Seems like there are not enough hours in the day to do anything. But then sometimes the hours feel like they are stretching by endlessly. I seem to be in this in-between state. Between here and there but getting nowhere.

I am sitting out on my porch right now listening to the birds singing. Watching the temperamental weather changing every five minutes. Full sun one minute then dark overcast skies the next. My children are still fast asleep and because this is their last week of school holiday I am letting them rest because next week will be full steam ahead for all of us. Schedules overlapping. Needing to be in two places at once.

A cool breeze keeps wafting through the porch. Actually it’s more like a gust from time to time causing the windchime to resonate deeply after the gust passes. Stilling my nerves for a time with its harmonious chime. Even my writing feels all over the place today. Just as scattered as my brain. As my thoughts.

I can’t seem to motivate myself to do anything worthwhile because it’s almost like I don’t know where to start or what to do. Is it the air?  Still does not feel right for this time of the year. Still does not seem like we are in the right season. With the coolness of the air already. Granted it is September but September is usually our most humid month and yet the humidity does not feel as stifling as it normally does at this time of the year.

I am watching our little rabbit Mysty hopping around the porch. Trying to find her rhythm too. Like she does not know what to do. She can’t believe her luck that she is out at this time of the day during the week. She comes to be to be stroked and looks up at me with such appreciation and wonder. My heart melts.

Is this what life is trying to tell me right now that sometimes I just need to accept I won’t know what I am supposed to be doing and that I just need to go with the flow. Not trying to always have the answers because sometimes there are no answers. Sometimes there is no direction except to just be grateful for the sun, the moon and the stars. For waking up in the morning. For still worrying about what happens next because it means I am still alive.

So I am going to stop lamenting about what to do and just do something. Get started on something and be grateful for where I am as I am. The miracle I was sent here to be. Namaste.

Read More

When we are our authentic selves

When we are attuned to our authentic selves, life gives us unexpected gifts. Unexpected road maps for where we are to go next.

Like this morning when I woke up, the first day of my time away from the office for a week and I sat down to meditate. To still my racing mind I remembered there was a bonus meditation from Deepak Chopra and Oprah so I decided to do take advantage of the bonus meditation entitled Miraculous Dynamism. And once I listened I knew I was being given a gift from the Universe to remember I am a force in my own right. That I get to choose the very essence that I send rippling out into the world. That I have a dynamism that is a wondrous power. As do you. As do us all.

As I was in the midst of my meditation, I could feel rays of light dazzling before my closed eyes. Almost like the world was on fire. Almost like diamonds sparkling in the light. And I felt my soul matching the light. My spirit dancing with the light. My whole being radiating with the light. And then I realised the dazzling light was reflecting my dazzling light. 

I felt the reason the sun was shining through my windows at my eye level was to capture me and pull me in. To remind me that my light comes through when I am ready to let it shine and no one can take that light away from me unless I allow them. Unless I don’t want to shine. Unless I am not being my authentic self. And no matter how hard someone tries to steal my light or the light of my family, I have to accept I am the owner of my light so only I can turn it up or turn it down or turn it off all together.

In order for my children to learn they control their own light I must be willing to shine my light as much as possible. I must be willing to use my energy in a positive way such that my light shines naturally through and they learn from my energy how important it is to have authentic and pure energy. Chopra said, “The message is not to put on a mask of cheerfulness or try to be positive all the time. People who are attuned to their own true self, will always sense when we are being authentic or putting on a persona or disguise. What is important is the awareness that through our energy or consciousness, we have an unlimited capacity to send out ripples that will help our planet and its inhabitants move in the most evolutionary direction from fear, hostility and unrest to love, compassion, peace and joy.”

To use the mantra today, “I use my energy to heal and transform” will help me to bring forth my light and to bring forth the best in those around me, those in my inner circle. To those who choose to be amongst people with a shining and embracing light rather than those who want to take the light for themselves. The light and energy of the Universe is abundant enough for us all. In other words, there is no need to feel like we are any less than anyone else. All we need to be is our authentic self not what we can not be.

Each one of us is here for a reason. Each one of us has a gift to share. When we remember this, we project our inner most selves and then we receive the gifts, treasures and abundance of the Universe like a magnet. As I did this morning in my meditation with the dazzling light of the Universe radiating throughout my being. As I understood this morning when I received the gift of the Universe. The voice of the One Source. And I felt aligned and supported by the rhythm of the Universe. And for this blessing I am truly grateful. Namaste 

Read More

Our daughter showing us how important it is to let our children be who they are

Wow is all I can say. We are all just waking up this morning after a full and special day for our daughter and our family.

Our daughter walked away last evening with the Little Miss Paradise, Miss Congeniality, and Miss Photogenic titles in the Little Miss Paradise Pageant and she blew us away. And I am so glad we allowed her to pursue her dream. We were the sort of parents who thought pageants were frivolous for girls and did not want our daughter to be a part of that whole scene. But seeing her last evening come alive on stage with such poise, dignity and confidence we knew we had done the right thing by allowing her to be who she wants to be.

Our daughter researched the pageant, found it then came to us and asked us if she could enter. As parents, we were both hesitant about it as we are of the philosophy that children should develop their whole selves rather than just focusing on their physical selves and what they look like. But she told us the Pageant was not just a beauty contest that it was about building confidence and showing talents. It was about being on stage. Then we talked to her about how she would feel if she did not win the pageant and her answer was if she did not win, it would be just wonderful that she was on stage doing the best she could. And she would learn from that experience to take her to the next experience.

She chose every outfit she was going to wear. Her music for her talent. Her formal dress she did not want her dad to see until she had it on on the stage. She worked on her own to develop the answers she thought she would be asked. She didn’t want us to know how she was going to answer the questions because she wanted the whole night to be hers and not what we thought she should say. She wanted everything to be a surprise to us. And did she ever surprise us every step along the way.

From the moment she walked on the stage to the moment she walked off we were mesmerised by our daughter. By our little girl who set a goal for herself and more than exceeded it. A little girl who asked us to let her be herself not what we thought she should be. A little girl who showed us that when we follow our passions with dedication and truth, we will always come out on top. Always feel like winners. And last evening she stood amongst 6 other young ladies who all did the best they could, built lasting friendships with people she had not met before and gained so much more than just being in a pageant. She gained validation that as long as she is being true to herself and if it is her time, life will always reward her.

And what was priceless was when we were driving home and she said she felt bad for the other girls because she won everything, I knew we are raising our daughter right because even in her crowning moment, she was thinking about the feelings of the other girls.  Then when we got home, all of her friends and some of our friends had come to our house. All of them proud of her. All of them congratulating her and she being gracious to share her win with them. Our hearts swelling with pride for the young lady she is becoming and the friends she has by her side through thick and thin.

We would like to thank the Pageant organisers Mrs DeRoza, Miss Brangman, Miss Simmons, Miss Smith and Miss Galloway for all the work they put into our young ladies. A thank you to all of the other contestants. A job well done to everyone who took part in the Pageant. We are so proud of our daughter for just going for it and claiming who she is. An invaluable lesson for a young lady developing who she is. An invaluable lesson to us as parent to learn how important it is to let our children be who they are.

Read More

The Butler a movie well worth seeing

I went to see the movie, The Butler, with my sister and niece as it was my niece’s last night here in Bermuda before she heads back home to Delaware and boy am I glad I did. Wow. I am almost speechless after seeing that movie. I didn’t expect to be so moved by it. So affected by it. To see just how far we all have come as a civilization over the span of the movie is staggering.

The movie began with a black family picking cotton on a plantation and ended with a black family going into the White House as the first family of the United States. A black slave to a black president in a little over a hundred years is meteoric.  And we as a human race should be proud of all those who risked their lives out in the open, those who did what they had to do silently in the background, and those who died in their push to bring segregation to an end.

There are many who have walked before us who have paved the way for each of us to be in the position that we are in today. Some more passively than others but sometimes that passiveness is as strong if not stronger than the aggressor. But each having their place in our history – in the way we are today. In the way we treat each other today.

What I gleaned from this movie is how each one of us has the capability to change the perspective of others not by our words but by our actions. How we can put a human face to an otherwise nameless and faceless situation. How those who look down on the black men and women who have endured much to pave the way for others. How some of the pioneering blacks had to wear two faces as depicted in the movie such that others may have a seat at the table.

To have a son understand his father and a father understand his son. With both seeking forgiveness from the other due to ignorance on behalf of each other. How both understood at the end that they were both doing the best they could based on the experiences they had ever had.

I am still in awe of where we have come from as a human race. Even though I know we still have a long way to go to break down stereotypes that are still prevalent today but I walked out of that movie feeling great hope for our human race because we are resilient creatures. Here to learn lessons from each other. To teach each other about each other so we can break down the ignorance of each other.

I highly recommend the movie, The Butler, to anyone who wants to see what forgiveness, tolerance and acceptance can do for us as human beings. Showing how true Dr. Kind’s quote, Darkness can not drive out darkness; only light can do that”, truly is. The only way we can take darkness out of our world is to shine our light as brightly as we can and to be the change we want to see. 

Read More

Happy Anniversary to my blog!

My blog turned two years old two days ago and I was so busy commemorating Dr. Martin Luther King’s 50^th anniversary for his “I have a Dream” speech that I overlooked my own dream come true. My own baby. Forgot to even think of what August 28 means to me.

I am so chuffed that my blog began on the same day albeit some 48 years later that Dr. King delivered his speech about dreams. Chuffed because his speech was given in the same year I was born then for us to share the same date for beginning our dreams in spite of the time span makes me feel really good about what I am doing.

I started this blog because I wanted a place to write that would encourage me with my everyday trials as well as have the ability to share those trials and lessons with others to allow myself and anyone who chooses to read my blog to know we are all the same. We sometimes feel really good about where we are going in life and other times we don’t. Sometimes we feel confident about our abilities and other times we don’t. Sometimes we feel like we can climb any mountain. Other times just the thought of another mountain makes us want to give up.

When I started my blog, I was so nervous that I would be putting myself out there to be attacked. Criticised. And people would question who I think I am writing a blog. Question what was so important about what I have to say. I used to sit and wait for comments. Sit and wait for people to like what I said. Sit and wait for feedback. And at first I used to get upset when no one liked what I said. When I got no feedback because then I thought I was failing everyone else.

But what I had to tell myself over time, my blog is for my growth and if it helps anyone else along the way it is a bonus but not a necessity. Writing this blog every except Sunday is like writing in my gratitude journal every single night, both help me to grow more as an individual. As a woman. Writing my blog is more out in the open while writing my grateful journal is more private but both allow me to accept so much more about myself. Allow me to accept so much more about other people. Allow me to know when I have to let go and when I have to fight hard to hold on.

So here I am two years later and I am still writing my blog and I feel really proud that I am. It has become a daily part of my existence. My life experience has become richer because I am constantly aware of the stories of my life. I am constantly intrigued by something. Storing it in the deep recesses of my brain to write about when the time is right.

Sometimes writing my blog is tough going because I am hesitant about what I want to share. Hesitant because I know there are some who read my blog to see what is going on in my life – not necessarily with the best intentions but rather to keep tabs on me. But what I have decided is I have to just let go. Let my writing flow without thinking about what anyone else has to say as this blog is my journey of love and light. Not of malice and darkness. It is one that I hope touches as many people as it does me.

Two years of writing this blog. Wow. Sometimes it feels like just yesterday that I began this journey. Other days it feels like I have been writing it all my life. It has taught me discipline and endurance as well as having thick skin. To my loyal and open followers I thank you for encouraging me every day with your comments whether constant or occasionally. I feel your presence and your encouragement every time I sit down to write and for you, I am truly grateful.

Signing off today proud of my ability to write this blog every day except Sunday for the last two years and still going. For how long I don’t know but for now I am pleased as to where I am with my journey of love and light blog. Amazing grace. How sweet is that? 

Read More

Living our dreams

Yesterday, August 28, 2013 marked the 50^thanniversary of Dr. Martin Luther King’s historical, “I have a dream” speech. Fifty years have gone by. Fifty years ago I was 4months old when this speech was being delivered by a man who left his mark in our hearts, his speech on the tip of our tongues, his voice ringing in our ears. Even in his death, we still hear him. See him. Feel him. Those of us who have invited him into our hearts and spirits. Letting us know even in death, our names can be spoken, our image can be carried on when we leave an indelible mark on this world.

Though Dr. King may not have known it on the surface, he seemed to know from a deeper level he only had a short amount of time to leave his mark. To leave behind his message for the rest of us to finish the work he started. To bridge the gap between those who are ignorant and those who are tolerant. Between what is right and what is wrong. Allowing all of us regardless of where we come from to accept and understand when we peel back our skin, we are all the same. We are all of the same Source. And therefore we have nothing to fear of each other unless we fear ourselves.

Hearing his rich voice full of passion, full of promise, full of truth caused me to pause yesterday. To think about what having a dream is all about. To reflect on what dreams really mean. And this is what came to me,

“My dream is my dream. Your dream is your dream.

Because I have a dream does not mean you cannot have one as well

Dreams allow us glimpses into the portal from whence we came

Asking us to go back to why we came in the first place

Reminding us to live out our promise

Our truths”

I hear my children talking about their dreams. Talking about what they want to be. How they want to get there and I try my best to help them, guide them but not direct them because they are just starting to understand the importance of acting on their dreams. If I’m constantly telling them their dreams are not good enough or not what I expected of them, they will never know who they are or whether their dreams are truly meant for them. It is not up to me to shatter their dreams. It is up to me to help them to turn their dreams into reality whether they are contrary to what my dream of them is. Their dreams are their own as are mine.

When we become parents we understand, through the eyes of our children, just how important it is to dream and to have dreams. To allow them to flourish and grow into reality because dreams are what take us to the next step of our lives. It is up to us as parents to encourage our children to live out their dreams rather than forcing them to live within their dreams never fully reaching their potential. Allowing them to explore their dreams gives them wings. Give them independence. Confidence and a sense of self.

Thank you Dr. King for reminding me the importance of living our dreams and not just dreaming them. For the important role you played in helping me to understand life is very short so if we have dreams we need to act on them. Make our dreams our reality not just our fantasy. And when we do, so shall our children. So shall we all.

Read More

When jealousy rears its ugly head

Jealousy is one of the worst traits we carry as human beings because it limits our scope. Limits us. Cuts us off from love because it forces us to hate. To resent. To find fault rather than joy.

When jealousy rears its ugly head, we must examine what it is about ourselves that makes us feel so inadequate that we would do anything to diminish another’s accomplishments and achievements to make us believe we are more superior. But what we don’t realise is when we do whatever we can to make ourselves feel more superior, the only person we are diminishing is ourselves.

Jealousy does not improve our circumstances and neither does it do anything to shift our karma or outcome. It does not reshape where we are. As a matter of fact, it keeps us glued to exactly where we are because we are so consumed with it that we cannot see the opportunities and gifts we have all the time. Instead we become focussed on bringing down the other person that we end up bringing down ourselves. We end up on a mission of what st going on outside of us rather than focusing on what is happening inside of us.

Jealousy is an ego driven emotion that wants all the limelight to be on us rather than shared. Jealousy stops us from seeing and understanding that sometimes we will be up and sometimes we will be down. Sometimes we will lead and sometimes we will be led. Sometimes we will win and sometimes we will lose. Sometimes it is our turn to be on centre stage and other times it is the turn of others.

And when we accept we are always being tested by the Universe to see what it is we truly want out of life, we will learn that jealousy has no place in our lives. That it is there only to keep us away from our own strengths by keeping us bogged down by our own weakness. And not the weakness of others.

When we become mired in jealousy nothing about us feels good causing us to project dark energy. Repelling people from us rather than attracting them to us. When jealousy is directed against us and people do and say things to try to diminish us what we must tell ourselves is that is their lesson to learn, their karma to inherit and their trial to endure. It has nothing to do with us at all. Just with them.

As long we are living our lives with integrity, truth and from a place of genuine love and light, no amount of falseness, jealousy or mal intent can ever touch us or hurt us. When we are living our lives as authentically as we can, “sticks and stones may break our bones but names will never hurt us”. Unless we invite them in. Allow them in.

So whenever we feel that ego driven emotion of jealousy rearing its head, we are being asked to examine the image we see in the mirror to determine what it is about ourselves we need to learn, to tackle, to surmount. It is never about the other person. It is always about us. Our feelings of lack and inadequacy. And once we learn this, we will see and understand there is enough abundance in this world, enough love and light in our universe, that there is no need for any of us to try to hog the spotlight, to try to diminish the light of others in order to illuminate our own.

What we learn most of all is when we try to diminish the light of another, we are diminishing our own light because we are all of the same light – the One Source. So rather than try to diminish, we need to help to illuminate such that collectively we can all shine as brightly as we are meant to. If only we would remember this when jealousy rears its ugly head because if we did our lives would be that much easier. That much brighter. Full of love and light. Imagine just how liberating that would be. Namaste

Read More

We humans are strange creatures

The weather has been very bizarre for Bermuda. It is August and it is supposed to be sunny and hot. But the months and seasons seem to be confused. It feels more like April or May and Spring rather than August and summer. We have had so much rain it is unbelievable. My grass is almost up to my knees because of the abundance of rain.

The days are already growing shorter. The light giving way to the darkness earlier and earlier each night. And resisting waking up til later each morning. Feeling more and more like Autumn is taking over and summer is almost gone.

Where has the summer gone? Where has time gone? Where is the summer sun? Scorching us letting us know it is at its end? That’s what we come to expect in August. The desire to say be gone heat. We’re ready for you coolness. But for some reason it is not there for us this year. We get pockets of it where the heat is so intense we wish it would rain. And then when it rains we wish for the sun.

We humans are strange creatures always lamenting about what we don’t have. Wishing for what’s not there rather than appreciating what is there. Taking me to a conversation I had last night with my daughter and niece about hair. About how we are never appreciative of the hair we have. My daughter wishing she could have an afro. Her hair, too curly too mixed to ever for an afro. Me telling her if I had hair like hers I would never complain. My niece telling me I would complain because we always want what we can’t have.

So true. So true. We focus so much on the faults sometimes that we don’t see the abundance and beauty we have right in front of us. That we are always given what we need rather than what we want. Always given what we can truly handle not what we think we can. Always given what we honestly and truly ask for deep down in our souls.

I am looking out the window at the red sky. At the red puffy clouds as the morning light is slowly but surely taking over from the dark night. And I know for a fact based on those clouds that we will have some more rain, possibly some more thunder and more unseasonal weather than seasonal. But now I will adjust my thinking to be grateful rather than resentful for whatever weather we may get because it means I am here to see it. Living and breathing. Experiencing yet another moment of life. Ready for another day.

And if nothing else, that is more than enough to be grateful for. Waking up and seeing this dawning of a new day even if I wish I could change my hair as does my daughter as do most of us, at least we have hair. Think of all those who do not for various reasons.

To be grateful for every single thing in our lives allows us to open to the more, to the abundance that is freely available for us. So despite the strange August weather, my hair not cooperating, and all the other things I could complain about, I am grateful to be here and that is worth more than any of my small laments. My small complaints. Life truly is wonderful and abundant. Namaste.

Read More

Choice taken away from me

Running here and there. Searching here and there. Too much to do. So little time. Deadlines loom.  Tired. Restless. Exhausted. Until my body collapses under my own rushing. Collapses from going too much. Doing too much. Trying to be all things to all people except myself. Until my body gives out. Tired of crying out for rest. It takes it itself. Forcing me to stop. Forcing me to rest. As it did yesterday.

I woke up yesterday morning congested, fatigued and dizzy. All I wanted to do was go back to bed and sleep. To close my eyes and remain behind my closed lids in the world of in-between. In the world where imaginations are free to roam. Where thought is free to be what it wants to be.

My body had been warning me since Friday that it was not well. That it needed time to repair itself. But I was just too busy to listen to it so I kept ignoring it. Pushing the warnings to the background. Saturday the warnings became more urgent. My head was heavy. Throat sore. Eyes swollen. Muscles ached but I still did not listen. I had too much to do. Ailments could not stop me. I forged on.

Until Sunday when my body gave out. My cells had worked too hard to keep me going. My limbs too weak to lift up. My soul saying enough. Go to bed. Stay in bed. So I acquiesced. I had no choice. Nothing was right. Nothing felt right. Except rest. So I slept and slept.

And then I got a surprise on top of my cold and flulike symptoms, my menopause that I thought I had completed, paused as well. Giving me back my chance of becoming a mother again. A phase of my life I thought had ended. So there I was in bed with cramps and pain too. Wondering what in the world was going on with me. Was I regressing instead of progressing was that what the Universe was trying to tell me. That I needed to be more present rather than everywhere but where I was meant to be.

I lay in bed all day yesterday. Letting go of the desire to be doing instead just being. Sleeping and listening to my body, mind and spirit. Watching For Coloured Girls only. A movie I always wanted to see. Seeing that when we make choices that aren’t good for us. When we know they are not good for us, they eventually come back to haunt us. Frighten us. Take away things we always wanted. Take away the very things that mean the most to us. So we need to be careful about the choices we continue to make because they may lead us down a path we never intended to take.

As I learnt yesterday when my body took control off my mind and collapsed under the fatigue of me trying to be everything to everyone else but to myself. Allowing me the opportunity to watch a movie. Something I have not done for a long time. Without guilt to feeling I needed to be anywhere else but where I was.

Read More

Okay inner voice I'm listening

My computer has been giving up on me for a few weeks now. Shutting down unexpectedly. Or not shutting down at all. But I have been refusing to take heed of the sign. Refusing to let it go because it is sop much a part of me. That every day I sit down to do something on it. Thinking it will hold out for a while more. Not backing things up on it. Not sending things to the cloud. But thinking it will not fail me. Overriding my instincts saying to use my tablet and admit that my desktop is on its last leg.

But this morning, it taught me just how silly I have been. I had just completed my meditation with Deepak and Oprah on Miraculous Union  and was starting to write my blog. A blog that felt really good. A blog based on what I got out of the meditation. And as I was in the flow of it, I looked up and there were only 4 complete words on the screen and part of the fifth. I had been writing for about 5 minutes only to find my thoughts had not made it to the screen.

I wanted to scream. I wanted to smash my computer. I was so upset. And when I calmed down I realised it was not my computer’s fault for the mess I was in. It was my own fault for not listening to my inner voice. For not listening to my computer telling me it was at the end of the line. That technology does not last for more than three years anymore before it starts to fall apart. That we are living in a disposable time where nothing is meant to last. And I had to get used to it or I too would become a dinosaur – extinct.

And what I also realised is the blog I was writing was not meant for today either. That I was being led to self-reflect. To know that I need to listen to my inner voice more. To go where I am being led by it rather than pushing ahead and doing what I know does not feel good to me. Because when I sat down at my computer this morning, every cell in my body was telling me to not use my desktop but to use my tablet instead. I failed to listen and now I am suffering the consequences.

My frozen desktop is my lesson for today. To listen and take heed of my inner voice. It will never lead me astray. My ego on the other hand as well as my desire to control what is beyond my capabilities will all the time. So begrudgingly I know I have to start letting go of my desktop. To find a way to move everything I have on it to the cloud so I can still access it on another device and call it a day. Hopefully I have not waited too long. Hopefully I will still be able to salvage what I have.

I also have to be grateful for the fact that there is a cloud and there is a possibility I will be able to restore my writings on my new tablet. Keep your fingers crossed I am able.

And for my lesson on listening to my inner voice and for having a backup device to continue to write, I am truly grateful. Okay inner voice I am listening, ok. 

Read More

Antoinette Tuff, the power of surrender

Every once in a while I come across a story that touches my heart. A story that makes me feel great to be alive. To know there are people in this world who were sent here to help others by helping themselves.  Yesterday I came across the story of Antoinette Tuff and knew she was an angel both to herself, to the young man who wanted to kill, the children and others she saved at the elementary school in Atlanta.

Antoinette Tuff saved the lives of several people including many children when she listened to a young man in trouble. Talked to him like he was a human being. Made him feel like he mattered such that he put down his gun and surrendered. Surrendered himself to the police.

Her story is an amazing story. A story of courage, compassion, forgiveness and love. A story of surrendering all to the Divine in the face of her life being on the line. She did not show her panic or her fear. Instead she showed compassion.  She looked into that young man’s soul and saw her own pain reflected back through his eyes and because she did, she was able to relate to him. She was able to understand why that young man had been sent to her with a loaded gun. Why she had been sent to sit in that chair she did not normally sit in.

She understood in that instant if she was to save her life, the lives of the innocent children and faculty of the school as well the other lives that would be lost including the young man’s, she had to remain calm and speak to the young man. She sensed she could not add to his angst. From a place deep within, she knew she and this stranger were sent to help save each other. Him so he would not take innocent lives then take his own. Her to see that she had come a long way. She understood first hand, there is only 6 degrees of separation between us all. There by the grace of God go I was probably her thought as she looked at that broken young man.

She told him he was not alone by opening up about her own hardships. About her own pain. About her own experiences.  That she too had suffered and continues to suffer as is he suffering but she is working on turning her life around. She did not in any way try to diminish the young man. Nor admonish him for his actions. She consoled him.

Made him see her as a human being with feelings and responsibilities not just a nameless face. Made him feel loved such that he could feel like a human being and not just a nameless face. She saved that young man’s family from being devastated by the news that their son was a murderer. All because he felt like he did not matter. That he had nothing to live for and the only way he could see a way out was to kill himself but not before taking innocent children along with him.

She saw that young man was hurting and wanted to be remembered for something. Wanted to be heard so she listened and then she talked. Talked him out of shooting and into surrendering. Assuring him that everything was going to be okay. Assuring herself that everything was going to be okay. And then she let go. Surrendered it all to the divine.

Antoinette Tuff is an unsung hero. A woman who saw a broken young man and helped him to find the light again. Helped him to see that he mattered and as such all the other people around him mattered too. I wanted to share her story today to remind us that everything that happens in our lives is leading us to the place we are right now. All the hardship Antoinette Tuff suffered, all the tragedy and despair, rejection and fear led her to the encounter with that young man so she could help him to see he was not alone in his struggles. That he mattered. All her pain came to a head when the two strangers met by Divine Intervention in that elementary school in Atlanta to forevermore change their lives. To let them both know they are not alone in their struggles and when they keep the faith and surrender all that is beyond their control, life will reward them. And recognize them for their contributions. A powerful lesson for us all.

To Ms. Antoinette Tuff for her courage, compassion and love, I am truly grateful. Her story can be found on the following link: 

 http://www.policymic.com/articles/60379/antoinette-tuff-meet-the-woman-who-prevented-a-mass-school-shooting-yesterday

Read More

The art of communication

I have to recommend the Deepak  Chopra, Oprah 21 day meditation challenge to everyone because it always delivers to me an answer I am seeking in ways I could not understand until listening to them. Until hearing the words of wisdom they impart. And the mediation I listened to today was all about “Miraculous Communication”. Something I have been grappling with for quite some time.

I have been wondering why  people feel they are speaking their truths but when some do, it feels like the truth and comes from a place of love whereas with others it feels like an attack and comes from a place of ego. How can one person be speaking their truth and it resonates whereas with some when they feel they are speaking their truth, it feels like it is mired in hate and contempt. And as such it is repelling rather than compelling. And this morning I got the answer that helped me to understand there is a vast difference between speaking timeless truth and personal human truth.

Ms. Oprah opened the mediation with a quote from Virginia Wolfe that says, “If you do not tell the truth about yourself, you can not tell it about other people.”  Powerful statement. She went on to say there lots of things that can block us from telling our truth – insecurity, fear of being judged, feeling unworthy, etc. When we consciously create a communication that is safe, our very presence becomes loved filled and life supporting. She stated that if everything we say and do shows the world who we are, then let it be our truth - authentic truth and Divine.

In other words what she is saying is let it be our essence self. Not our ego self. Our true self. Not our human self filled with human limitations of ego and fear. Let it be our spiritual self that understands we are all interconnected and all come from the One Source.

And then Deepak  Chopra discussed the expression center, the fifth chakra, also called the throat chakra. Saying it is the first chakra in the body to focus on the spiritual plane and it is the bridge between the lower and upper chakras.  The throat chakra enhances our ability to speak our mind.  When we speak from our true self, our words are positive. Our words inspire and lift everyone in our world. As we communicate authentically, our relationships grow. Our connections with each other and the world deepen. An underactive throat charka wants us to hold back in fear of being judged or misrepresented causing us to keep our desires and needs to ourselves. An overactive throat chakra results in speaking more than listening. Both coming from insecurity stemming from ego based desires.

A balanced chakra acts an independent filter for communication. Once the energy is flowing, we know we will speak truthfully.  People with open centers of communication, speak the truth, as their words emanate from love and express that love from the very core of who we are. Allowing us to speak a timeless truth and not personal human truth.

So when we think we are speaking our truths, we need to ask if we are speaking from an authentic place or if we are speaking from a bruised and human place. Is it our intention to hurt or to heal? To blame or to accept where we are and work on ourselves first before blaming others? To find fault or a solution? To place our pain on someone else so we falsely believe we don’t have to carry it anymore?

I know for a fact that when I speak my truth, my authentic truth, it flows without me having to think. It feels beautiful, liberating, and free. And now I know it flows because it emanates from a place of integrity and love. And when I speak from this place, I find no matter who tries to attack that truth can not hurt me because I know I spoken from a place of love. But when I speak from a place driven by ego, feelings of insecurity and fear overpower the feeling of authenticity. Making me believe we always know when our throat chakra is balanced and when it is not. Only then can I truly say, “I fearlessly speak my truth with love.” And then let the outcome go. Letting those go who attack while making way for those who attract.

When we speak authentically, our relationships grow because we grow. Speaking authentically comes from a balanced throat chakra that allows us to speak from a place of love.  Not from a place of fear. It comes from timeless truth not personal human truth.  Namaste.

Read More

Love is the most powerful force in the Universe

According to Deepak Chopra, love is the most powerful healing force in the Universe. I believe the reason love is is because when we love we see the beauty in everything and everyone. When we love, we see the abundance that is freely available to us all around. When we love, we do not harbour any of the negativity that keeps us in the dark. When we love, we see light everywhere even in our darkest hour. When we love, we are creative, free to express because we are accessing the infinite possibility that exists for us all as if it was for us and us alone.

When we love, we share with no expectations. When we love, we feel so powerful because we know we are connected to everything and everyone and we are of the One Source.

When we do not love, we are consumed by fear and when we are consumed by fear, we see the negative in everything. We blame everyone and everything for the position we find ourselves in rather than going deep within and seeing what it is about ourselves that is causing us to feel the way we do or lose out on opportunities. And what we find when we go deep is we are so consumed with shifting the blame to others that we focus on them rather than on focusing on ourselves. And if we spent as much time examining our own shortcomings or our own lives as we do blaming others, we would see the opportunities that present themselves to us each and every day.

What we will also discover is those that push our buttons, those that cause us angst and upset are the best teachers we could ever ask for because they are reflecting to us something about ourselves we do not like but cannot see. Until we learn to examine ourselves and love ourselves we will never know the depth and power of love because it emanates and radiates from within not without.

Meditation is a powerful means of accessing that inner light, that motherlode of love that allows us to see and feel the beauty, abundance and infinite possibility that exists for us all. It opens us to experience our lives fully, not by suppressing our feelings but truly experiencing them, feeling them and going deep within to determine the lesson we are meant to learn. And when we get the lesson, we find that if we surrender those troubling feelings to the eternal and one Source, we open ourselves to love and to be loved. Without expectation or blame. Because we understand and accept we are love and that is all. Love - a powerful force only to be broken by our own fear.

Read More

A lesson from a lost and returned iPod nano

Yesterday was one of those days when I felt perfectly aligned with spirit. When I felt like whatever I did, was right. Whoever crossed my path was meant to cross my path. The lessons I was meant to learn I did without questions. Yesterday was one of those days when I understood and accepted and fully got that the Divine spirit is within me, within all of us because we are the Divine.

It started with the radiant light of the morning waking up. Shimmering off the windows of my home, Dazzling. Almost like the outside was on fire and the fire was trying to reach my heart. My soul. My spirit. Move beyond my physical self to my essence self. The light was so bright that I at first thought there was a fire outside. Only to look outside to see it was the sun making its presence known as it rose in the East and cast its light throughout my yard. Filling me with rays of light. Rays of love. Rays of gratitude and understanding. I  inhaled that light and felt blessed to wake up and witness its dawning.

I left my home feeling infused with energy. Feeling like there was nothing beyond my capabilities. Feeling truly blessed. Such that later on in the afternoon when I received a phone call from my daughter’s camp that she had lost her iPod nano, I did not panic. Did not get upset. Did not feel angry with her that she had lost it. I accepted it for what it was. I surrendered the fact to the Universe. Feeling if it was meant to be lost, it would be lost. If it was meant to be found, it would be found.

I could hear my daughter sobbing in the background because her music is on the iPod nano for her dance routine she is practicing for a show she is going to be in. I could feel her pain through the phone. I told the counselor to tell her it was all right. We would find a solution. I then asked them to tell me all the places they had been. I also called my nieces because they had taken her to her camp that morning and asked them where they had gone. They told me they had stopped in a bathroom before dropping my daughter off. Instantly I knew she had left her iPod nano in the bathroom.

When I went to pick her up, she immediately burst into tears when she saw me. Apologising over and over again for losing her iPod nano. Telling me she could not practise her routine because she had lost her music. Her little face was broken. Her shoulders were sagging. I hugged her and told her it was all right. We would either find it or replace it.

I asked her if she remembered going to the bathroom in the morning and if she remembered leaving her iPod nano there. Her whole face brightened and she said, “Yes I did mommy. I left it on the toilet roll holder.”

I told her that there was a possibility that it was gone because that had been 9.30 in the morning when it was now 4.30 in the afternoon. She begged me to go and check to see if it was still there. My niece asking me to check there as well. Despite my skepticism about looking, once I dropped my daughter off at here next class, I went to the Washington Mall to see if her iPod nano was still in the bathroom. It was not. I popped into the shop of one of my friends and told her the story about my daughter losing her nano. She called the people that run the mall and asked them if anyone had turned in an iPod nano.

Much to my surprise and joy, someone had in fact turned in my daughter’s nano. But if I am honest, deep in my heart I knew it would be found because of how I had started the day. Because I had expressed gratitude for being here. For the beauty of the day. The world reflected back to me what I was projecting and that is why my daughter’s nano was returned.

We attract that which we project and yesterday was a perfect example of that for me. I had my faith restored in humanity and in myself yesterday when my daughter’s nano was returned. To see the joy and relief on her face was equally priceless when she found out she had not lost her nano. As was her faith restored as well. We were both shown the gifts of abundance so freely available in the Universe when our hearts and souls are open and when we have faith, love and light.

To the good Samaritan who returned my daughter’s iPod nano, I am truly grateful. You may be nameless but our souls connected because they were meant to. Thank you for teaching me first hand that life gives us exactly what we need all the time and gives us back exactly what we give out. Here’s to another day of gratitude, love and light. Namaste.

Read More

Seeing through the eyes of the soul

Yesterday I drove my children and their cousins to Dockyard so they could go out on a boat with their other cousins and what a treat it was for me on the drive back to see just how beautiful my Island home really is. After I dropped them off, the scenery I had not seen when I was driving with them in the car. Distracted by their talk, our talk. But with them gone all I had were my thoughts and the scenery in front of me. All round me. And I was taken aback by it. By the natural and astounding beauty of the place I  call home.

I could not help but take notice of the colour of the ocean. The varying shades of blue and in some cases indigo and turquoise. The contrasting colours of the coral beneath the ocean shocking the blue with reds and oranges. The stillness of the ocean helping to still my thoughts. As if it was willing me, asking me to surrender to its calmness so I could surrender to my thoughts.

I felt a sense of peace wash over me as I fell in love with my Island all over again. Fell in love with its feminine and natural beauty. The cloud formations catching my eyes next. Wispy tendril like clouds. Not moving too much because the wind was not very strong. Seeing them contrasted against the azure sky. With the occasion bird flying by.

The roads were quiet because it was a Sunday morning so I slowed down and took my time. Not worrying about holding up traffic. Not worrying about anything really. Just driving and talking my time. Allowing myself the pleasure of surrender.  Took my time drinking in the wonders of my island helping me to see through the eyes of my soul as Deepak said in his meditation.

Helping me to see that everything and everyone is interconnected. That there is an invisible thread that binds us all as we all emanate from the One Source. The infinite of which we are all born. Helping me to understand the soul is infinite because of from whence it has come.

I felt such peace and love yesterday that there was very little that could upset me. That could cause me to want to break with the feeling of peace and connection. Such that later on in the evening when several situations flared up that would have caused me to react in a negative way. all I could do was surrender them back to the place from whence they came and do the best I could with what I had because I recognized that everything and everyone has their place in our lives. And all we can do is decide whether we will invite them in or leave them at the door.

Give them options. More importantly give ourselves options and then let go. Surrendering to the fact that beauty and peace lies in seeing through the eyes of my soul. And because I allowed myself to do so yesterday by taking in the beauty of my Island and allowing it to permeate my being, I was at peace with the flow of life. Recognizing I cannot change the way others think but I can change the way I react to them.

In gratitude for the lesson of the soul through its eyes and the wonders of nature. And in gratitude for the beautiful place I call home.

Read More

Present moment living

This morning the alarm went off at 6 am. I had been trying to decide if I was going to get up or if I was going to stay in bed having been wake since 5 am. Telling myself it was the weekend so I could treat myself  to staying in bed a little longer. To not rush about but my mind was wandering from one thought to the next. My head full of stuff. Stuff that I have to do. Stuff I have not done. Stuff. So I decided to get up.

I am finding it difficult to get up because it is so dark in the mornings here compared to the light that was flooding through my windows every morning at 5.45 in England so it feels like winter to my mind’s eye rather than the remnants of summer.  Tossing and turning I decided to get up and boy was I glad I did.

I love witnessing the dawning of a new day and this morning was a true gift from the Universe. The sky was clear.  There were beautiful stars in the sky twinkling like little diamonds. The night lights of the darkness I call the stars. There was a lone cloud suspended in the twilight sky, I stood at the window and looked out at the sky and asked the Universe to guide me.  To help me to get rid of the mumble and jumble in my mind. And I inhaled deeply then closed my eyes.

The Universe presenting itself to me in its finest hour. Showing me the silhouettes of everything. The energy behind us all. The essence of our existence. Shining bright against the dark morning. The dark giving way to the light and I immediately felt better. Blessed. Fortunate. Grateful for experiencing the stillness of the day. The dawning of the new day. The opportunity to start anew. To not worry about the things I had no control over but to focus on present moment living.

Which took me to something I read about Oprah just yesterday when someone asked her about her life and she stated she does not worry about yesterday nor tomorrow, nor anything beyond where she is at the present moment because she tries to live in the moment. And that’s when I knew the Universe had answered my prayer. Had listened to me and had guided me to that place in my brain where I had stored that gem from Oprah. To know that if I live in this moment, not the moment behind me or beyond me, all will be well. And only then will I be able to rid myself of the mumble jumble threatening to pull me into a quagmire I cannot escape.

When I opened my eye, the dark sky had given way to the light. The night lights of the dark sky had given way to the sun rising in the East. The cloud that had lain silhouetted in the dark sky now red from the rising sun. The leaves gently waving in the breeze. Allowing me to inhale the freshness of this new day. Exhaling the thoughts of old as the song, Morning has broken, filled my head and my being. Pure joy and surrender.

Happy Saturday everyone. I am going to try to continue to present moment living enjoying all the changes each moment presents such that my hearts can be filled with gratitude and wonder. Like that of a child. Already I feel carefree and blessed. Namaste.

Read More

My mother-in-law teaching me to live with gratitude

Last Sunday we spent the day with my husband’s family. His mother. His older brother and his wife. A lovely lunch in Newcastle and then back to his mother’s house to meet his Aunt and have tea, coffee, desserts and more family time.

It truly was strange to be in the house without my husband’s dad who died in January of this year. Particularly since this was our first trip back since he died. The house feels different. More feminine. More my husband’s mother than it ever was. She seems to have come into her own. Telling us this is the first time in her life she has ever lived on her own. She went straight from her mother’s house to a house shared with her husband who remained her husband for 60 years.Until his death in January. And today, August 16 would have been their 60th wedding anniversary together. Cheers Austin.

She is now 86 years old and is loving her new found independence and wings. She loves waking up when she wants. Going to bed when she wants. Cooking whatever she wants and doing whatever she wants without having to worry about anyone else. She tells us this with a twinkle in her eye. Yet hanging on the wall is the calendar we sent her for 2013 ironically with January showing photos of the door where my husband first lived after he was born. A photo of him, his mother and his father standing in front of the door. A photo of just my husband’s parents and then a photo of all of us standing in front of the door. Ironical because my father-in-law died in January.

We took that photo while visiting England last year when my husband insisted we go to where his life began. He wanted to photograph his parents there rather prophetically I now know. I looked at the spot where my husband’s father always sat and could almost hear his voice. Feel his presence there with us. And as I was thinking this, I looked up and spotted a mirror my mother-in-law has in her beautiful garden and swore I saw the back of my father-in-law’s head in the mirror.

And then when I tried to focus, the image had vanished but not without me feeling his presence and knowing he was glad we had all come back. I then came back into the room fully present with everyone there. Looking from face to face at my husband’s family. At my mother-in-law holding court, the pride on her face with having her two sons at home with her. Her sister. Her grandchildren and felt first-hand how quickly life can change. How quickly we change. How easy it is for us to get too busy to give ourselves the time to do what we want when we want.

And I understood totally what my mother-in-law  is feeling. For much of her life, she has taken care of everyone else that she never had time for herself and now she is finally enjoying being herself at 86 years old. To me her whole persona feels younger, freer, less tense. Letting me know that we really need to allow ourselves to be who we are before it is too late. Before we can’t and before we regret not doing so.

Seeing my mother-in-law looking so free helped me to see just how much more alive we are when we are who we are and do what we are meant to do. Even though she still holds on to the memory of her husband by having his photo on her wall, she has surrendered that part of herself back to where it belongs. Let it go.

She feels good in knowing she did everything she could to make him comfortable in his last days. Stayed by his side until he took his last breath. Then asked the nurse to close his eyes and when they asked her if there was anything else she wanted them to do, she told them no. Grateful she had seen her husband through to his physical end. Grateful he did not suffer. Giving her the strength and dignity to walk out of the hospital a changed woman. A widow who had never known a life of her own. Allowing her to now fully embrace the women she has become. A woman determined to live out her last days as she wants - a life of her own.

I love to see that she is allowing herself to fully live as she wants for the time she has left here on earth. Without guilt, regret or fear. Just with gratitude for each day she opens her eyes and is still able to care for herself and herself alone. I looked at her with such admiration for she is a hero in her own right. Brave and determined to live out the rest of her days as she sees fit. And she deserves every bit of her new found freedom. Every single bit of it.  And for this lesson about living with gratitude from my mother-in-law I am truly grateful.

Read More

I lost my blog this morning in order to find my way again

The strangest thing happened to me this morning, I wrote a blog and really felt it resonated with me. Yet when I putting the finishing touches on my masterpiece, I lost the whole document. Don’t know how I managed to do that yet. And it did not auto save. I went back and searched and searched for my beautiful blog to no avail. It was just not there. Gone. Disappeared into the ether.  Leaving me astonished, shaken up, taken aback by the fact that I had lost my blog. Disappointed because I felt like it emanated from my inner core. My essence self. So how could it have disappeared?

I am a firm believer that we are always where we are meant to be. Always experiencing what we are meant to be experiencing even in our darkest moments. Particularly when we are in our darkest moments because it is then that the Universe is asking us to go really deep. To really stop and listen to what our inner cores is telling us. To push aside the ego as best we can so we can go deep within to listen to what our inner core is asking us to do. Not what our ego self wants us to do.

And as I was contemplating this I accepted the blog I had written though it was heartfelt, today was not the day to put it out it out there. The time was not right for it to be revealed yet and more importantly it was taken from me so I could see that it was not really meant for me to share at this present time.  And though I still felt a semblance of disappointment that my blog was gone, I know that what I am writing now is the lesson I am meant to be learning right now.

And the lesson that came through for me is when the time is right, all will fall into place as it is meant to do. Not when I demand it to nor when I try to direct it to but only when it is meant to as happened to me this morning. When I am being led down a path that does not feel right, I have to listen to my inner voice telling me it’s not right because if I don’t I will end up in the wilderness wondering how I got there. As was shown to me when my blog vanished into the ether and I was left in the dark wondering what I was meant to write about and what I was meant to do.

So I stopped and listened even more and what I heard was if I am honest with myself I know that the blog I had written left me feeling very angry and resentful about a situation and I was trying to cleverly send a message that was not meant to be sent.

And what I realize more than anything was I am the one who received the greatest lesson today and that lesson is when our intentions are not pure, we will never receive the outcome we are seeking because as Rumi says, “what you are seeking is seeking you.” In other words, whatever intentions I put out there will come to get me.  Forcing me to accept I attract that which I am. Ironically the centering thought for the Oprah, Deepak meditation I listened to just before I wrote my blog.

The Universe was forcing me to see whatever circumstances I find myself in, I created that situation by inviting it into my life by an action I took, a statement I made, the energy I projected. And the only way I can stop attracting it or feeling like I am beating my head up against the wall is to change the energy I project. Only then will I be able to attract that which I really want into my life.

And for losing my blog this morning allowing me to learn to follow the path I know intuitively I am meant to follow rather than what where my head is telling me to go, I am truly grateful.  Blessed to be able to write Take 2 of my blog and really feel it. Learning first hand, the law of attraction is alive and well. I lost my blog in order to find my way again. Namaste.

Read More

Home Sweet Home

Home Sweet home. There is nothing like home. Yet we don’t realize it until we are away from it and then return.

We have been away from home for nearly three weeks and when we returned last night my whole being felt settled. Like it was centred again. Focused again.

The journey home was long and at times felt impossible but the Universe was on our side helping us to wait through the 4 hour delay in our flight departure then making the journey back as smooth as it could possibly be. Our children keeping themselves entertained while we waited and waited in the Gatwick lounge watching our departure time get pushed back further and further. With despair. Knowing there was nothing we could do but wait.

Each of us hoping and wishing that we would make it out of the airport that day and safely reach home. Though we each enjoyed our time away and each of us got something a little more out of our lives than before we left, each of us was craving our own routines. Our own lives. Our own familiarity. And to finally get it at about 11.30 last night was pure and unbounded joy.

When the flight landed and we got all of our bags, there was a taxi large enough to take all of our bags waiting just for us. As we drove along the Causeway, I exhaled deeply when I saw the quarter moon sitting in the otherwise dark sky almost as if I could touch it. Feeling like it was welcoming me, us back home. The sound of the tree frogs like a raucous welcoming band loud above everything else. A sound normally in the background suddenly in the forefront because we had not heard the sound for nearly three weeks. The feeling of the humidity moisturizing my skin. My hair immediately going limp as my daughter’s and son’s curled up. Feeling the familiar of home that I take for granted when I am here every single day filled me with such gratitude and wonder. Such awe at how life unfolds every single day with little to do with me. With us.

When we arrived at our house, our home, the heaviness of the bags suddenly seemed lighter as we pulled them one last time up the stairs and into our home, the smell of Bermuda letting us know we were back. Looking up at the sky and seeing the constellation of stars I am used to seeing at night making me feel grounded and safe and happy to be back home. Whispering thank you to the Universe for allowing us to safely return.

Leaving me to believe and think as Dorothy did when she clicked her heels, “There’s no place like home. No place like home.” And hearing the old clique, “Home is where the heart is.” And for now this is where my heart lies. Right here. Right now. With gratitude for the wonderful journey my family took to England. Gratitude for our growth and togetherness. Our bickering and spats. Our similarities and differences. And now for our home together. The place we have built together. Body. Mind and Spirit. For better or for worse. Home.

Read More