My computer has been giving up on me for a few weeks now. Shutting down unexpectedly. Or not shutting down at all. But I have been refusing to take heed of the sign. Refusing to let it go because it is sop much a part of me. That every day I sit down to do something on it. Thinking it will hold out for a while more. Not backing things up on it. Not sending things to the cloud. But thinking it will not fail me. Overriding my instincts saying to use my tablet and admit that my desktop is on its last leg.
But this morning, it taught me just how silly I have been. I had just completed my meditation with Deepak and Oprah on Miraculous Union and was starting to write my blog. A blog that felt really good. A blog based on what I got out of the meditation. And as I was in the flow of it, I looked up and there were only 4 complete words on the screen and part of the fifth. I had been writing for about 5 minutes only to find my thoughts had not made it to the screen.
I wanted to scream. I wanted to smash my computer. I was so upset. And when I calmed down I realised it was not my computer’s fault for the mess I was in. It was my own fault for not listening to my inner voice. For not listening to my computer telling me it was at the end of the line. That technology does not last for more than three years anymore before it starts to fall apart. That we are living in a disposable time where nothing is meant to last. And I had to get used to it or I too would become a dinosaur – extinct.
And what I also realised is the blog I was writing was not meant for today either. That I was being led to self-reflect. To know that I need to listen to my inner voice more. To go where I am being led by it rather than pushing ahead and doing what I know does not feel good to me. Because when I sat down at my computer this morning, every cell in my body was telling me to not use my desktop but to use my tablet instead. I failed to listen and now I am suffering the consequences.
My frozen desktop is my lesson for today. To listen and take heed of my inner voice. It will never lead me astray. My ego on the other hand as well as my desire to control what is beyond my capabilities will all the time. So begrudgingly I know I have to start letting go of my desktop. To find a way to move everything I have on it to the cloud so I can still access it on another device and call it a day. Hopefully I have not waited too long. Hopefully I will still be able to salvage what I have.
I also have to be grateful for the fact that there is a cloud and there is a possibility I will be able to restore my writings on my new tablet. Keep your fingers crossed I am able.
And for my lesson on listening to my inner voice and for having a backup device to continue to write, I am truly grateful. Okay inner voice I am listening, ok.
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