Endings and beginnings

Endings and Beginnings. Beginnings and Endings.

This has been a weekend of endings for many of my friends.  Parents having to bury their sons. Friends having to say goodbye way too soon. Husbands having to say goodbye to their wives unexpectedly due to sudden illnesses. My husband coming to terms with the fact that his father may be nearing his end.

Sadness abound for the weekend yet the weather was crystal clear and beautiful showing the dichotomy of life. Saturday was particularly heavy for me because I knew friends were experiencing what no parent wants to experience having to bury their child while the rest of us were going about our every day chores and errands. Illustrating how life ends but it must go on at the same time for those that remain. A beginning of some sorts without those who have departed. Difficult to grasp but true.

While I had another friend who was sitting by his wife’s side praying for her to recover only to discover she was deteriorating rather than getting better. This after a sudden collapse. No warning. Not time to say all the things they wanted to say to each other. Grief and shock beyond words. For him. For her. For them. For us.

Remembering how angry I felt when my mother died and people were going about their normal day while I was having to close the coffin on my mother knowing I would never see her again. The grief so deep I thought I would not breathe again. That I would never live again. Her death too soon. Too sudden to make any sense of. Too fast that I never got to say goodbye.

And for each of my friends this weekend the same was true. A son killed in an accident. Never giving them the chance to say goodbye. A friend whose wife went to work in the morning fine and then collapsed at the end of the day. Again never having the chance to say goodbye to the way their life was.

It is so difficult during times of grief to look up and see the light. So difficult during times of grief to hold onto faith. It is so difficult during times of grief to feel that it is possible to laugh again, enjoy life again without feeling guilty. But it is these times of grief that help us to become stronger people, more compassionate people, more loving people and also people that know firsthand that life can change in an instant and we must be sure to tell our loved ones we love them. To live our lives as fully as we can because tomorrow really is promised to no one. That life is a gift and is very short and it is up to us to treat it as the present it really is.

To every ending there is a beginning. When I drove past the hospital today I thought there is a family grieving in there for a lost life and at the same time there is a family rejoicing for the beginning of a new life. Sadness mixed with joy.  Signifying that there are always endings and beginnings even when we think the doors of life have been shut in our face. As long as we are breathing there is a beginning every single day when we awake and an ending every single day when we close our eyes and go to sleep. The same faith we have that we will wake up in the morning is the faith we must have that we are here for a reason. And we have to live it. One step at a time. One day at a time.