Yesterday morning I put my vulnerabilities out there. Exposed my fears. My inner most challenges. I put them out there because I was tired of feeling so heavy. So defeated underneath all of my optimism and faith. I didn’t wanted to feel like a fraud anymore. So I needed to hear and feel the extent of my vulnerabilities through the sound of my words to help me to understand what it is that is stopping me from doing.
So I released my feelings, thoughts and fears to the Universe, to myself and to you. Let them go. Surrendered them. Exhaled them. Without expectation. Without reservation.
And then when I inhaled, there like the beautiful and elusive butterfly, the answer that I needed came fluttering gently down and sat on my shoulder. In plain sight. Waiting for me to see and hear. When I least expected it.
And interestingly enough the answer came not once but several times from different sources at different times of the day to remind me as @Mastin Kipp from @The Daily Love said last night, “Whenever I doubt there lies the extent of my faith.”
I am questioning and have doubt because I am on the point of revelation. And I was reminded yesterday that revelation only comes after periods of confusion and uncertainty.
@Davidji said, “I am the witness of every other moment, When I step back and remove all emotional charge and turbulence from any situation and totally witness it then more possibility can evolve and truly sprout from that moment. “ Particularly when I surrender.
My spirit mother came into my office yesterday morning to ask me how I was feeling. To remind me to change my feelings of inadequacy to feelings of adequacy. To change my story from misery to abundance. To shift my mindset from wallowing in self pity to embracing the uncertainty.
Last night when I got home, I read an interesting article about the retirement of one of the insurance industry’s elite, Mr. Brian Duperreault. I was surprised to find he was one of my angels for the day. Surprised even more to know that this man who exudes corporate power and influence is actually influenced by his faith. He stated, “Faith is my inspiration”. How inspiring is it to hear a man of that stature is driven by the uncertainty that faces us all. But he is successful because he moves beyond the uncertainty and confusion because of his strong and unbiding faith.
Then later last night I was drawn to the Daily Love course, Discover Your Soul’s Goals for 2013. A course I had all but dismissed. Thinking I was too busy. Too tired. Too lost to take seriously. But at 11.30 last night, The Universe directed me to that course. Asking me to cast aside my apprehensions and give it a chance. So I acquiesced and was I glad I did because my awareness was opened even more to the fact that the future is always uncertain. Always has been and always will be but what I need to do is accept that certainty is no longer serving me. I am looking for something greater. Something more than what I already know. And in order to find it, to attain it, I have to move beyond my human limitation of wanting everything to be certain. Because when everything is certain I lose faith in my ability to grow.
I am reprogramming my mindset to accept the quality of my life is directly related to the uncertainty I can live with. And what I know for sure is that I want to be of more service to myself, to my community and to the Universe. To embrace the fact that this life is not just about me but it is about the betterment of us all. And in order to achieve this sometimes I have to step out of life’s mediocrity to embrace the challenge of being in the mainstream. And focus on how much I can give back.
To accept that I am human and from time to time I will be challenged by life. By my faith. By my shadow self. And no matter how spiritual I am. No matter how many lessons I learn. I will constantly be challenged to grow beyond where I am because that is how I become more compassionate, forgiving, empathetic and full of love and light.
As a matter of fact as I embrace love and light more and more, so too will be I forced to face my shadow self and I need not be ashamed of my fears, of my uncertainties, of my feelings of lack for when I own them, I grow from them. Embracing the fact that “Whenever I doubt there lies the extent of my faith.”
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