Some days I am better than others

Some days when I wake up I know exactly what I am going to do. Other days I wake up and don’t know what to do at all.

Some days I wake up full of creativity, possibility and space. Other days I wake up feeling stifled, full of doubt and claustrophobic.

Some days I can’t seem to open my eyes. Nor my mind. Nor my soul. Other days my eyes are wide open. My mind is like a sponge and my soul soars.

Some days I feel like I can’t breathe because of all the burdens I feel I am carrying. Other days my breathing is free and easy because I am grateful for all I am carrying.

Some days I feel on top of the world. Other days the world feels like it is on top of me.

Some days I feel so generous. So free spirited. Other days I want to hoard. Not share. But keep everything for myself.

Some days I want to sing and dance and shout at the top of my lungs that I am so grateful for everything I am. Other days I want to run and hide and feel bad for everything I am not.

Some days I am so sure of who I am and what I am meant to do. Other days I question my authenticity and what I am not doing.

Some days I am full of joy and laughter. Others days I feel heavy and defeated.

Some days like this morning I wake up thinking why am I feeling  so harassed at the moment. Why am I being pulled in so many directions that I feel like I can’t do anything? Why do I feel so stretched that I am not good enough for anything or anyone?

And then like this morning I get out of bed. Inhale deeply. Close my eyes and meditate. Allowing every thought bombard my mind without intrusion or interference. Watch the thoughts darting back and forth in my mind’s eye. Listening to them all. Without filtering.

And when they are done, I exhale deeply and slowly. Releasing them and my doubts to the Universe. Feeling some relief for allowing the thoughts to be heard.

And then I open the blinds letting in the promise of this new day. Breathing in the stillness of the morning. The chirping of the birds. The green of the trees. The space out there. Letting go of the confinement of indoors. Of my thoughts. Waiting until I feel my sense of purpose rushing back through my whole mind, body and spirit.

Allowing me to understand life is all about the choices I make. It is also about balance. No two days will ever be the same for me because every single day I am growing and changing and exploring. Every day I am coming closer to understanding my innermost self. And each day I am being tested to see what it is that I really want out of life and that’s why some days are easier than others. And always will be. Because each emotion and action has an equal and opposite reaction and feeling.

In order to appreciate the good sometimes I will feel the bad. Because without the opposite how could I know any better or appreciate just how fortunate I truly am.

And already my mind set, my spirit and my body is tingling. Drinking in all the abundance that is so readily available to me. To all of us. Shifting me out of doubt into purpose. Knowing I am an imperfect being living in an imperfect world. Trying to leave my mark in as positive a way as I am capable of leaving. Touching someone by embracing all my imperfections but still going out in the world with a sense of love and light and compassion.

Some days I will be better than others because some days I am meant to be. Other days I am not. And I embrace that and accept it as my gift to teach and learn. Learn and teach.

And now the light is pouring through my windows. The dark had receded with the night, Making way for this new day. This new beginning. And boy am I grateful now for being given this present moment. Ready and armed to go out into the world today full of purpose, intent, love, light and compassion. Embracing the dichotomy of life as one of my greatest gifts.