The Acceptance of Now

The perfect state is the acceptance of now. Eckhart Tolle.

How do we stay in the moment? In the now? How do we stop seeking nirvana rather than accepting it is in every moment of everything we do? Why do we believe there is more? Why are our brains programmed to believe in the next moment, and the next moment rather than in the moment that we are in. Because at the end of the day this moment is all that we have.

This moment is our gift of time. It is our gift from the Universe. Our ability to be. Peaceful and serene. Last night I was driving home and my mind was racing. Thought bombarding other thoughts. Like there was an urgency for me to find my life purpose. Filling me with dread that if I don’t find it soon, I will live a life of discontent. That I would fail at life. And as I started to feel sorry for myself, something told me to look outside. To stop closing myself in. To look out the window.

And so I looked outside and immediately my spirit lifted. The day was giving way to night. The light was twilight and mysterious. The remnants of the sun giving off hints of its light as it was fading away to the other hemisphere. Letting me know there is always light somewhere. Always. It just moves from one hemisphere to the next. When I am experiencing darkness, someone is experiencing light. And when I am basking in the light, someone is welcoming the darkness. Light and darkness always shift. Always. So if we linger in one, we will lose out on the benefits of the other. If we don’t appreciate the light when we have it we will never be grateful for it until we are shrouded in darkness.

My whole being felt lighter allowing me to see the true beauty in the darkening sky. The shape of the clouds. Their varying shades of grey against the twilight sky. And then I smiled from the inside out because I knew I was being told by the Universe that my state of uncertainty is only temporary because I am being prepared for something greater. And as long as I am patient and remember to live in the present moment, remain open, without judgement, surrender to the Divine Plan, all will work out in the end. There is no need to panic. No need to feel like a failure. No need to rush what is not ready for me yet. It will all unfold when the time is right.

And then I breathed. Inhaling for a long time. Exhaling for a long time. And said a silent thank you to the Universe for once again guiding me. Allowing me to understand I am a part of a much bigger whole. Each person and thing has a purpose here and in time that purpose is revealed as long as we remember “the perfect state of being is the acceptance of now.”

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There comes a time

There comes a time in all of our lives when we must face facts. When we must decide who we are and where we are going. When we can no longer hide from ourselves. When our essence self says enough’s enough and it’s time for the real us to emerge. When we stop questioning who it is that is pounding at our inner soul and we accept ourselves for who we are.

There comes a time when lies and deceit have no seat at the table. When all we want is the truth. When we can’t stand the manipulation and games that people play. When we want to expand our energy on things and people that resonate with us rather than people and things that take our energy away from us. Steal from us. Because we start to recognise that we are creating the situations that we find ourselves in. The people that come into our lives.

We start to realise we attract that which we project. We realise if we want better outcomes and better people to come into our lives then we have to adjust the way we think and believe. We realise when we are tested over and over again that we are growing exponentially and the people and events that knock us off guard are the best teachers we can ever have because they are taking us deeper and deeper into our essence selves. Allowing us glimpses into our shadow selves. Into that part of ourselves that is hidden so deep we don’t even know it is there.

And we are shocked when we understand we are being confronted by our own shadow selves. Not really by other people or events but by ourselves.  And then we understand that person or event was brought to us to teach us. To help us to move to the next level. To help us to understand more about what it is that we either want from life or don’t want from life.

There comes a time when we stand in front of the mirror and the image that is looking back at us is finally one that we feel comfortable with rather than one that brings us discomfort. There comes a time when we become who we are for what we are. And I feel I am getting nearer because I feel so out of sorts like I don’t know who I am anymore. Like the person that I had been carefully creating all my life may not be the person that I am meant to be. Like there is an awakening going on in me that I’m not quite sure where it is taking me but I am willing to go for the ride. To ride the flow. To see who and what emerges.

Like the butterfly emerging  from the cocoon, I feel I am on the verge and I am trying to learn as much as I can about my essence self, my shadow self so I can bring love, light and peace unto myself. Which will then radiate out into the world. This is my dream. My goal. 

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A lesson to never take anything or anyone for granted

Yesterday was one of those days where all my family did was hurry up and wait. Instead of being in the moment, I kept projecting to the time my son and husband would be home from their boys’ trip, only to have to keep waiting.

They got to the Newark airport in plenty of time, so they thought, only to have the airport shut down on them due to an apparent security breach. So they were stuck in the security line for about 4 hours. Nothing or no one was moving. No airplanes were taking off or landing. Stuck. Waiting.

I called the airlines to see what was going on but they could not give me any details. So all we could do was sit and wait. My daughter had to go to her orientation for a dance camp she will be doing for the next 3 weeks. We had plenty of time after to get the last minute things she needed rather than rushing if my boys were coming home on time. So there was a silver lining after all.

She wanted to eat but I told her we could not go to a restaurant because I wanted the four of us to go to a restaurant together – thinking my boys would be home in time for an early dinner. Elated because my husband had sent me a text to say they were on the airplane – separated but on the airplane nonetheless.

And then as I sat on our porch looking out at all the beautiful light coming through the trees, my phone buzzed and my heart dropped because I knew it was my husband. And sure enough all of the romance went out of the moment I was enjoying because my husband’s text read, “Fire Alarm, we were halfway down the runway when the plane came to a sudden stop. They are fire trucks on the way.”

My heart nearly stopped then. All I could think about was the fact that my son and my husband were separated and I prayed that nothing untoward was happening. That it was just an alarm. I could imagine the angst they were both feeling – neither likes to fly – but do it because that’s the only way we get out of Bermuda.

I sat anxiously waiting for an update. My husband saying it was just a false alarm but they were heading back to the terminal as a precaution to change airplanes. And back to more hurrying up and waiting. Thinking of how much I wanted my boys home safely. Us back as a family. Events like these make me realise just how much I take for granted. Just how much I expect everything to go like clockwork always. And the shock I feel when it does not.

They then had to transfer to another part of the airport and wait for another airplane to come in. Frustration mounting for them. Finally the plane arrived and they boarded only to be told that the crew had been on for too long and they might have to get off the airplane so they sat and waited some more. Then my husband texted me to tell me there was extreme weather approaching the airport and they had 15 minutes to take off or they would be stuck. If I didn’t hear from him in 15 minutes then they had made it. Fifteen minutes came and went; I was relieved when I didn’t hear from them thinking they were on their way. It was 8.41 Bermuda time. They had been in the airport for nearly 12 hours. I went to shower only to come back to a flashing light on my cell phone. My heart dropped. They got so far but not far enough so they had to sit through the weather.

I gave up thinking they were not going to make it back that night. But I asked St. Anthony, Patron Saint of Miracles, to help them to get back safely that night. I went to bed at 11.00. A few minutes later my phone vibrated. A message from my husband to say they were finally in Bermuda. Relief flooded through me. I fell asleep and then in they came at 11.57. They made it before the night was out. They were finally home. A day of hurrying up and waiting for all of us. But finally we were reunited. Not in the way I expected. My daughter and I asleep. My husband coming through the combination lock in the bedroom because I forgot he left his front door keys at home. Frightening me out of my sleep. But a welcome fright. The waiting was over finally.

A simple routine of flying back home turned into an epic day of one misfortune after another. But with faith, prayer and a positive outlook my boys made it home. Telling me that we should never take anything for granted because it can change in an instant. We always need to tell our loved ones we love them. We need to go for it and not wait because we can never predict the future. I had the best intentions of eating with my whole family once we were reunited but in the end my daughter ending up eating spaghetti out of a can but she was a trooper. Letting me know we need to stay in the moment at all times because we have no control over what happens outside of our space.

A happy ending for us despite the mishaps and to the Universe I am truly grateful..

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I pray that I can surrender to the real me

How is it that you can want something so badly that you can taste it. Yet you are so afraid of it that you don’t dare.

The aroma is taunting you. Wafting your way. Tempting you but yet you deny yourself the experience of it. Afraid that if you taste it, it won’t be as good as you imagined it would be. But the desire to have it is so strong.

Why do we deprive ourselves of what we really want because we don’t think we deserve it? Don’t think we’re good enough for it. Don’t want to be disappointed if it is not what we expected.

When we would never know if we don’t try. Why are so many of us so afraid of failure that we don’t try. Afraid that we will disappoint ourselves and others around. That we are not as good as we think we are. Afraid of the judgement of others. Rather than just going for it.

Accepting that the only judgement we should be worried about is our own because this is our lives and no one else’s. Why do we put so many obstacles in our way? And then when someone else comes out with our idea and they succeed, we kick ourselves saying we had the idea first?

Is it really true that none of our ideas are original - that we all come up with the same ideas but only a few of us have the nerve to bring those ideas to fruition? That only a few of us have the nerve to be judged. Scrutinised. While the rest of us sit on the sidelines asking what if. And judging. Criticising rather than doing. Why do we fool ourselves into thinking it’s safer that way. But we all have know deep in our hearts taking this approach is not fulfilling.

How do we change ourselves to be able to step out into the limelight knowing that the only failure is staying on the sidelines asking what if? How do we make ourselves do and if it doesn’t succeed not reprimanding ourselves but saying did that and it wasn’t for me? When do we accept that life is full of mishaps that provide us with the lessons we need to become a better person?  That if we stay on the sidelines we may be safe but we are also not living our authentic lives. Rather we are just existing.

I pray that I am able to get out of my own way. To go for it and see where I end up rather than always coming up with an excuse as to why now is not the right time. Instead asking myself, is there ever a right time? Challenging myself.

I pray that I can surrender to the real me. Bring her out front and centre and not be ashamed of who she is and what she stands for. I pray. 

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Here's to lazy days

There is nothing like a lazy day. When you have no plans. No demands. Nothing that is causing you angst. When you feel free and clear. When your insides  feel clean. Uncluttered. When you feel like a child with not a care or worry in the world. That is Nirvana. Bliss.

I am learning to have those days more and more because I am learning to release attachment, expectation and ego. I am learning that the more I accept and process the feeling of detachment I earn the wings to fly. To not feel caged in.

I am learning that when someone does something to me that disappoints or infuriates me it’s because I expected a different outcome rather than seeing the situation from the other person’s perspective. When I put myself in their position I realise they needed to do or say what they did because they needed to feel worthy for themselves. Not for me.

I am learning that people do things to help themselves grow not to help me grow. So I am learning to not put my feelings or wishes on them. Sometimes, I will admit, it is easier to do with certain people and situations than others. I find that if I am deeply involved with a person, my expectations of them are much greater and therefore my reactions to them can sometimes be too volatile or too judgemental. So what I am learning is that I have to step back from the situation or person and give myself time to breathe. Time to process the situation and see it from their perspective rather than my own.

And the more I practice this, the more I feel my insides are getting cleaner. My reactions are becoming less volatile. The disappointment, anger and frustration are dissipating a lot quicker. And I feel just like the lazy days I am experiencing more and more. Free and satisfied with where I am.

Because what I realise more and more is that lazy days have always been there for me to enjoy but I have been so caught up in believing I had to be doing things to prove myself to others. To give the appearance of being busy so that I could be considered worthy. But now I know lazy days are synonymous with feeling good about myself. Giving myself permission to just be. Without expectation. Without ego. With detachment from all that is going on around me. Knowing I can't change anything except my reaction to it.

And you know what it feels so good to be like this. To be in the moment. To enjoy every single second of my life. I know I will not be able to be in this state all the time but when I achieve it, I will enjoy every single minute of it. As I intend today to have a lazy day. No demands. No expectations. No plans. Just going with the flow. And see where the moment takes me.

Here’s to lazy days. Freedom  from ego and expectation. Liberation from the shackles of my own mind. Here’s to Bliss. And accepting I am worthy enough to have lazy days.

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Magic in the moonlight

Last night my family and I spent a very charmed night out. We were at The Dining Room at The Lighthouse for dinner. And we sat outside at a table overlooking the Great Sound and the South Shore. As my husband said a 270 degree view of the Island. There was so much beauty to take in that sometimes we lapsed into silence absorbing the changing scenery as the evening wore on. In awe of nature’s abundance.

The view was spectacular. Reminding me of how beautiful my home is. Just how magical my little Island is. Sailboats in the Sound. Colourful houses dotting the landscape looking like a fairytale land. Flowers of all colours adding to the magic. The ocean and sound as still as can be.  The only ripples coming from boats.

The restaurant quickly filled with tourists who were snapping pictures as were we. Prompting me to say to my family we are so fortunate to live in a place like this every single day. Fortunate to live here while others pay a lot of money to get here to have a glimpse of what we have every single day.

As a result of us being placed in the premiere spot in the whole restaurant setting outside, we were filled with love and the conversation flowed so openly and honestly between us. Covering the whole gambit of feelings, insecurities and fears. But because we were all coming from a place of love, any ill feelings were put to rest very quickly. Hurt feelings smoothed over replaced instead with love. Misunderstandings corrected with no effort. Illustrating that when we operate from a place of love, there is nothing but love.

And then when we thought it could get no better, as the evening progressed and the light gave way to the darkness, out popped the most serene full moon from behind the clouds. Giving the evening an even more magical feeling. Transforming the dark and still ocean to a stream of light over the spot where the moon sent down its beams.

My son took pictures trying to capture the light of the moon. Its essence. Its beauty. Trying to store it on our camera against the backdrop of the lighthouse sending its beams out from its centre point. Looking at the lighthouse whose light resembled a collection of sparkling crystals spinning on its axis shooting out beams of light over the ocean, across the sky, throughout the land. And then at the moon whose natural light was shining big and bright. Natural light intersecting with artificial light.

It was then I realised the lesson the Universe was sending me and I felt it resonate deep down in my soul. Even in our darkest moments, there is always light. Always when we are ready. When we are grateful. When we are open. Have faith. Trust in the Universe and all that it has to offer. When we are love. When we are still enough, there is always light.There is always love.

What a magical moment for my family to share together. Knowing that we are love. Created from love. And a part of a Divine Plan that always give us exactly what we need when the time is right.

In gratitude for the abundance in my life. For the beauty of the full moon. For the radiance of the Lighthouse. For the magic of my island home. For the love in me and in my life. And for realising all I have.

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It's our differences that make us stronger

I have been reflecting on my family’s recent journey on the Thames because it has had a profound effect on me.  Aside from feeling totally relaxed and in tune with myself, my family and nature, I had a great Aha moment. And it is that people of different cultures and races bring balance to the world because they become open to so many experiences, places, and people they would not have experienced otherwise. My marriage is an example of this. I am a black Bermudian married to a white Englishman, now Bermudian too, who originally hails from the North of England.

We grew up seeing life from two different lenses so we have two very different perspectives on life. Often clashing over the simplest things. But after 22 years of being together, 20 of which as a married couple, I realise it is our differences that make us stronger together. Not our similarities. Because each of us brings something completely different to our marriage. Challenging the other to be the best he or she can be as individuals. Allowing us to grow stronger as a couple.

What I realised from our journey on the Thames together was that when individuals from different backgrounds come together as a couple, each opens the eyes of the other to new experiences. Often existing outside their comfort zone. Adapting to environments they may not be used to being in. Challenging them to come face to face with their own insecurities.

I am really grateful that my family made this journey up the Thames and back again because it opened me and my children up to a different side of England. A whole new means of travelling. Pushing me way outside of my comfort zone only to discover I have a new comfort zone. Making me realise how wonderful it was to challenge myself to do something different while helping my husband to fulfill one of his dreams to helm a river barge.

I had written off going on a cruise again because I realised on our Alaskan cruise last year that I don't like being in the middle of the ocean. So I was apprehensive about going on a barge. But once we were on the river and I was able to see land on either side of me and there was no way we could find ourselves in the middle of an angry ocean, I relaxed completely. Surrendering to the beauty and serenity of cruising down the River Thames seeing animals, homes, people, trees, beautiful gardens, bridges, locks and lockkeepers. And more importantly seeing myself reflected back to me in nature.  I appreciate my husband that much more for helping me to expand my horizons. To experience something completely new.

And for helping me to realise and understand now more than ever that it is our differences not our similarities that help us to grow. Help us to love. Help us to become better people. Better parents to our children because they get to see that existing outside of their comfort zones can be challenging but well worth it in the end. That it is differences not similarities that help us to develop compassion, empathy and self. That the world is not black and white. Instead it consists of many shades in between. And for my multicultural family, I am truly grateful.

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