Every year Bermuda does the Agricultural Exhibition which stems from our farm background where people show their farm type animals, flowers, gardens, etc. There are horse riding competitions, food stalls, face painting. It's like a state fair and it’s held over 3 days. A real family event.
My daughter has been horse riding in the show for the last three years – since she started riding actually. This year she entered two new categories, Showmanship and Walk Trot. She is a very good rider but only rides once a week. However she is a natural we have been told and has competed with the best of them and placed.
Today was different. She rode her horse from her riding school to the Exhibition. Riding on the main road for the first time. When she entered the arena, I was so proud of her. She looked so comfortable. So poised on her horse. So elegant. I saw glimpses of her as a young lady. Making my heart skip a beat.
She entered her first competition, Showmanship, where basically she had to hold the horse’s reins and walk and trot the horse in front of judges. Despite looking good, she did not place. Her philosophy was sometimes I will place and other times I won’t.
Next came her second competition where she had to walk and trot according to the instructions given. This time her horse just would not cooperate with her. No matter what she did, he just wanted to eat the grass. I was watching from the distance and I could see the poise and confidence slowly but surely slipping away from my daughter, Her shoulders slumped. I could read her expression and could see she was panicking. Letting the situation control her. Rather than the other way around. I could see she was fighting back tears because she had lost control therefore she could no longer control her horse. I could see she was trying her best to hold it all together but couldn’t.
My heart was breaking as I watched my little girl crumble. I wanted to run out on the field and rescue her. Take her away from the heartbreak she was experiencing. The judges saw she was losing it so they allowed her to leave the circle early. I rushed down the hill to get to my little girl and as soon as she saw me she just let it all out.
I pulled her down off her horse and hugged her to me and just let her cry. Let her get her frustration, disappointment, and whatever else she was experiencing out. Her little body was shaking in my arms as she cried and cried. I wanted to erase what had happened to her. Wanted to rewind the hands of time. But I couldn’t. She couldn’t. There was nothing we could do except move on.
Eventually she calmed down and told me that she was not upset because she did not place. She was upset because she lost control when her horse lost control. It was then that I explained to her that she had received an invaluable life lesson. And the lesson was that in order to have control we have to let go of ego and expectation. Her horse was making her a stronger rider by forcing her to face situations she would not normally.
She pulled herself together. Took off her horse riding clothes and changed into her street clothes Pulled her hair out of her pigtails and bows and went about enjoying the day with her cousins. Letting go of what had happened to her. Realising it was done. And she had to move on.
Watching my little girl today bounce back from great disappointment made me realise just how resilient we all are when we let go of pride. Watching her also made me realise she will be okay in life because she has already faced disappointment and knows that moment will pass quick enough. And more importantly I realised my daughter will experience heart ache sometimes because she needs to. I won’t be able to rescue her even when I am really close because the lesson is hers to learn. Today showed me that. A hard lesson for both of us, my daughter in particular, but one we needed to learn.
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