Paranoia interrupts my sleep

Last night I decided to go to bed early because I wanted to try to make up for the hour I have lost. My body is exhausted and I felt like I needed some catch up rest time. So by 10.30 I was fast asleep only to be woken at 3am by my motion light going off (as it sometimes does when the wind hits it). But because of my intruder last week, I was suspicious. So I got out of bed. Looked out the window. Saw nothing. Walked to the other side of the house to see if those motion lights were on. And they weren’t to my relief. I went back to bed.

But with every little sound I heard, my eyes flew open. This went on for quite some time with me thinking there was someone trying to get in again. At one point I thought I heard a thud on the ground, my whole body tensed. Hot flashes rushed through me. Then I thought I saw a light flashing on like someone had a flashlight. I almost stopped breathing then. Worrying if someone was in the house they would get to my son first. Grateful that my daughter was right beside me. Wondering what I should do. Wake up my husband or just wait. I waited.

Realising I was being a little paranoid; I said a silent prayer asking for protection from intruders for me, my family and my home. I could feel the paranoia seeping out of my body after I repeated the prayer. I felt my body relax. My mind stopped racing and the hot flashes ceased. I looked at the clock and it was 4.33. I was angry then because it was almost time for me to wake up and I had just wasted the last hour and a half working myself up into a frenzy over nothing.

I closed my eyes finally and went to sleep. Overslept. Got up at 5.55 feeling groggier than before. Knowing I have to release my fears about my intruder. I cannot give him power over me. I must surrender to the background paranoia I am feeling. The vulnerability that is attacking me and change my mindset because if I don’t I will attract him back into my life.

That’s why I chose to write about my experience last night, to bring it to the forefront so I can acknowledge how I am feeling and release it to the Universe so I can go back to being able to sleep again. Interestingly my quote for today is “I am always safe no matter which “doorway” I pass through.” This will be my mantra to remind me I am safe as long as I believe I am and so is my family as long as I believe they are.