Releasing the attachment to writing

I have placed attachment to my writing. Expectation. A desire to be discovered.  To be accepted. To be applauded. And because I have I am finding it more and more difficult to make it flow. I’m now worried about whether I am writing for myself or for the satisfaction of those who are reading my blog.

I worry when no one likes what I have written. I feel rejected. Defected. Dejected. Like a failure. Worried I have not hit on what everyone else wants to read about.

I’ve had to give myself several pep talks of late. Questioning why I am writing. Is it to please others or to please myself? Impress others or express myself?

These are difficult questions to answer because I know through the grape vine that more people than I know I are reading my blog. Living vicariously through me. And sometimes I feel incredibly vulnerable because I know they are. Vulnerable because they are reading my thoughts yet I don’t really know who they are.

Sometimes I look into the eyes of those I encounter when they make a statement that lets me know they are reading my blog. But they don’t admit it so I don’t push. I worry because writing this blog is a personal journey for me.  And because it is, it exposes the vulnerable self that lives deep within me.  Exposes me to the outside world. And though writing is my passion, it sometimes feels too burdensome when I wonder why I am writing. And who I am writing for.

Them I question my motives. Why should writing be a chore when it is about my innermost desires, fears, joy, accomplishments, disappointments and mostly it is a channel for the stream of thoughts that are constantly running through my mind? Writing allows me to harness them. Examine them. Put meaning to them. Grow from them.

Just writing this blog today has helped me to answer questions that have been plaguing me for the last couple of weeks.  I cannot worry about who is and who is not reading my blog. I cannot be driven by whether my blog is liked or not. I have to be driven by my desire to write. Act on it and just write. Release the attachments, Expectations I may have of people commenting on my blog.

And write because it is what I want to do. Crave to do. Release any attachments or expectation so I cannot be under pressure to write something profound. Because at the end of the day each one of us has a different definition of what profound is. It is defined by our reality and not the reality of anyone else’s.

So I will continue to write even if no one comments on my writing because at the end of the day I am writing because I am a writer. And sometimes writing means being strong enough to write what is the truth of my soul without expectation, attachment or fear. And to do so with passion and in isolation of the expectation of accolades. Only then will my writing continue to resonate with my soul because I will continue to be true to who I am. And my writing will reflect it. 

So today I release any attachments, expectations, or pressure from my writing. And from this day forward I will just write because I am a writer.