Our flaws are our greatest teachers

I caught myself last night being the kind of mother I don’t like to be. Yelling. Dismissive. Chastising. Angry. Disappointed. But mostly feeling a sense of not being good enough at anything.

After my children went to bed, probably feeling a little deflated by my actions, I sat down and breathed and I understood my family was feeling the brunt of my anxieties about an unfulfilled day at work. A day when everything I touched seemed to go in a completely different direction to what I had anticipated. Leaving me to have to put out fire after fire.

I realized the importance of checking myself at the door. Realizing the importance of leaving what doesn’t belong in my home outside that door before I walk in. But I also know I am human and will from time to time falter because I am not perfect. The irony of my actions last night with my children was because I felt imperfect I wanted more than anything for them to be perfect. So I was judging them in such a way that demanded perfection from them. I realized I was transferring the fact that I had been imperfect and judged by others for being so onto my children. Asking them to be something even I can’t be all the time. To perform at a level even I can’t all the time.

I went to bed last night feeling horrible. I was particularly concerned about some of the things I said to my son because I had been frustrated with him for procrastinating and doing his homework at the last minute and not completing it to my standards. I realized that I need to reframe the way I say things to him because my standards are not his standards. He has his own way of thinking and I have no right to belittle him for that. Regardless of whether I am his mother.

Instead of criticizing him what I need to be doing is redirecting him. Instead of threatening him with failure I should be finding ways to encourage him with success. Terms like, “if you don’t do this, you will fail” need to be replaced with, “how about if you tried it this way”. Instead of suggesting and planting fear, negativity and failure in his brain I need to suggest positivity and success. Sowing seeds of possibility rather than impossibility.

Last night I realized more than ever that a lot of our feelings and reactions come from a place of ego and fear and they are not good feelings to transfer to anyone else particularly the developing minds of our young people. Particularly on our children. They learn more from us through osmosis than we believe.

This morning I woke up recognizing my behavior and forgiving myself for it making space in my heart and soul to acknowledge I am not perfect and sometimes things go beyond my control. In turn allowing me to see my children are not perfect either and sometimes they won’t do what I expect. But it’s not up to me to make them feel inadequate. It’s up to me to try to find a way to encourage them to be the best they can be not by threatening them with failure but by encouraging them with success. And the only way I can do so is to check myself before entering their space. Or anyone's space for that matter.

Recognising it is our flaws are our greatest teachers so why try to take them from anyone - particularly the growing minds of our children?.